ADMINISTRATION
Covenanting not Conclave
Angus MacLean Award
Training a New Generation of Renaissance Leaders
Two Open Letters
Teacher Recognition Sunday
The Value of RE
Youth & Young Adult Sunday

ADULT RE
Film as Theological Text

CURRICULUM
Curriculum Resources
RE Loan Library
OWL Newsletters
Talking to Your Former Spouse About OWL
Timeless Themes
Witness
Family Heritage
The Caged Birds of Phenom Penh
Hate Hurts
Leave No Child Behind

RESOURCES
Cain & Abel
From Essex Conversations
Internship in Washington, DC
Growing Together
Star Island Information
Heretic's Faith
Grants & Scholarships

WORSHIP
Franz & Josef
Ice Cream Sunday
USSS Award-Winning Sermon
What You Do Today

YOUTH
YPS Application

Index Page

A while back, we discussed ways to get parents involved and in the loop. When I last taught OWL 7-9 (1999), I wrote a series of newsletters. These were sent out in advance of each class. Below is a sample newsletter that you can use to create your own. If folks would like to have copies of what I came up with, write to me and I'll see how best to respond. (First Unitarian Universalist Society, 250 Waring Rd. Syracuse, NY 13224-2259)

The newsletters were incredibly popular with parents and are being adapted by the new lead-teachers this year. Parents have already expressed appreciation again this year.

Our Whole Lives News
January 19, 2000

We continue Unit 5, Relationships with Session 12, Relationship Skills. This session focuses on the skills of assertiveness and negotiation. We emphasize these skills in friendships and romantic relationships, though clearly these are skills that are useful in all types of relationships. Future sessions will offer opportunities to practice these skills again, modeling the fact that communication skills are something we learn and use throughout our lives.

The main reading for this session is from the book, Earth Medicine: Ancestors' Ways of Harmony for Many Moons by Janie Jams (New York: Harper, 1994). Janie Jams shares wisdom found in Native American culture. She writes, "Hearing with eyes, nose, ears, and heart of the spirit is how the astute listener reaches out to another." This is one of the lessons we'll explore today-how we all need to be good listeners with more than our ears. This is especially important when we seek another person's consent or when we offer or refuse to give our own consent. Ultimately, how well we listen and speak has a profound effect on how well we can live out the Unitarian Universalist principles to respect the inherent worth and dignity of every person, and to have compassion and equity in human relations.

Session 12-Relationship Skills

Goals

• To increase participants' assertiveness skills.
• To increase participants' skills for seeking consent.

Learning Objectives
After completing this session, participants will be able to

• distinguish assertive from aggressive and passive communication styles and behaviors,
• list skills for seeking consent, and
• connect the practice of good listening skills with honoring the inherent worth and dignity of every person and using compassion in human relations.

Suggestions for discussion topics
The ability to be assertive, without being aggressive, is one of the most valuable skills anyone can possess. Sometimes it is easy to forget that this is a skill, something to be learned, rather than something we either "have" or "don't have" in our genes. Some of us have excellent "people skills" and seem to naturally know how to negotiate for what we need. Some of us are tongue-tied, afraid of making our needs known, feeling hurt when no one is able to respond correctly to our passive requests. Then there are those of us who bully our ways through, aggressively getting what we need at the moment, but ultimately missing out on what would truly satisfy us. And, for the vast majority of people, we display some mix of all of these behaviors at different times and with different people.

So what can you say to your child? The way to build assertiveness and negotiation skills is through practice, practice, practice. Give your child opportunities to practice those skills with you. When your child is unsure of what to say in a situation let him or her practice with you. Play out different kinds of reactions to the same situation: be a bully, an airhead, a literalist, and a sympathetic ear. Offer strategies for presenting a more assertive message. Also offer strategies for negotiation skills and how to decide when to give or withhold consent. If nothing else, it will liven up some monotonous car rides. But more likely, it will build confidence and assertiveness skills that will last a lifetime.