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REACH Winter 2002
CONTENTS
ADMINISTRATION
ADULT RE
CURRICULUM
RESOURCES
WORSHIP
YOUTH
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By Karen Anderson Orange Coast UU Church, Costa Mesa, CA When the UU General Assembly was in Phoenix, I just happened to stay in the hotel where the UU Youth Caucus was housed. Because of this, I had the great pleasure of talking with a number of these delightful young people. It struck me that they provided for each other a very positive peer group-a "reference group" to put it in the developmental psychology terminology. They had their heads on straight about "drugs, sex, and rock and roll" and the important decision-making issues that teens need to deal with. One of them told me, as they were hanging on each other and showing overt affection, that they had a rule that one or three or more people could share a sleeping bag but not two. They also said that because of the closeness and affection, they did not feel pressure to have sexual intercourse or use drugs and that they had the support of other youth who shared their values. Adair Small, a registered nurse working for Planned Parenthood, said at one of the OWL orientations, "this program will save the lives of our youth." I believe she is right. I know the importance of my daughter being involved in OWL. There is something special in OWL that is not taught to our youth at the school-based "becoming an adolescent" or "sex education" programs. It is partly the information shared, partly the context of respect and openness, partly the impetus to make important decisions about sexuality by thinking rather than reacting under peer pressure, and partly the incredible support of having healthy and informed peers. When I worked as a clinical psychologist at Cedars Sinai Medical Center, I was responsible for a therapy group for gay men and lesbian women. I had the opportunity to learn from "the horses mouth" the devastation that follows the discovery of having AIDS or being HIV positive. I also had the opportunity to see the positive value of having a safe and affirming place to deal with the issues of being gay or lesbian, of having an alternative lifestyle. For these reasons, and others, I felt that OWL was immensely important in my daughters life. I needed to convey that belief to her father. I was concerned that he would object just to oppose me-we certainly had a history of power struggles. In addition, because she goes to Northern California every few weekends, I would be asking her father to forgo some of the visitation time he was legally and morally entitled to. Because he had the right to say no, I first made sure he understood that I acknowledged his control in this area. Next, I mentioned the importance of OWL and its value in her life. I also downloaded some of the information from the internet that describes the program and e-mailed that to him. Then I suggested we discuss the possibility of her continued attendance-and gave her dad time to digest all of this. Because we are often reactive when we speak on the phone, all this was done through e-mail. Next, I tried to find a way to make up the time he would be missing by adding more vacation time, acknowledging that it was not possible to make up for all the actual missed time with her dad. I also figured out that on weekends, if she returned at 10 AM Sunday morning rather than 6 PM Sunday evening, she could still go up to visit for the weekend. Without pressure, after having a chance to mull over excellent reasons, and after being honored as a valuable part of our daughter's life, her dad was able to put her interests first and agree to her participation in OWL.
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Page last updated February 23, 2002
All material copyright © 2002 Unitarian Universalist Association