Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson, who work with boys at schools and in private practice, lay claim that "boys suffer deeply as a result of the destructive emotional training our culture imposes upon them, that many of them are in crisis, and that all of them need help." In order to become emotionally literate, boys need an emotional vocabulary that expands their ability to express themselves in ways other than anger or aggression. Conscience can be developed if they experience empathy. They need close, supportive relationships and a life and language for themselves that speaks with male identity. A boy must see and believe that emotions belong in the life of a man. It must not take a shooting in a high school, a hole picked in a wall, a drunk driving arrest, or a suicide for a boy's emotional needs to get our attention.

The authors explain that emotional escape through drinking and drugs is promoted by a culture which protects and promotes the male tradition of emotional isolation. More promising choices are hard for boys without emotional resources to anchor them! The problem of young male violence is covered in this book. Of all the killing committed by juveniles, about 95% are committed by boys. Our society tends to overlook boy violence until a dramatic episode such as the tragedy at Columbine captures public attention. What's to be done? When hurt, shame, or rejection becomes anger, and then anger moves swiftly to violence, our boys need fuller emotional resources to deal with their distress.

The authors promote the lessons of emotional literacy that enable boys to deal with emotional trends without breaking into violent revenge. They offer these guidelines to boys:

• "Life isn't always fair. Learn to deal with it."
• "You can't just go around hurting people every time you get angry."
• "You need to consider how your actions affect others."
• "You can't see threats where they don't exist."
• "You need to know that controlling your anger does not make you a sissy."

Strong and healthy boys are made strong by acceptance and affirmation of their humanity. Each of us has a chance to do that every day, every time we are in the presence of a boy and we have a chance to say to him, "I recognize you. You are a boy - full of life, full of dreams, full of feeling." I found this an absorbing book. I recommend it highly.