"How to" applications program by CENTER (Continuing Education Network for Training, Enjoyment, and Renewal)

HONORING YOUR CONGREGATION'S ELDERS

Introduction:It's Time To Take Note of Elder Neglect!
In recent years a great deal of emphasis at "nuts and bolts" conferences for UU lay leaders and ministers has been placed on programming for congregational growth. Naturally, the focus of such colloquies is on recruitment and the care and feeding of newcomers. Effective strategies for attracting and assimilating "new blood" are now warmly welcomed and are being enthusiastically implemented in hundreds of churches and fellowships. Not surprisingly, all this solicitude toward newcomers has begun to pay off: after years of stagnation, the ranks of many Unitarian Universalist congregations are swelling.

If ministers and lay leaders are not careful, however, a shift in emphasis and priorities will be noticed by long-standing church members who, while not antipathetic toward growth, may begin to feel unappreciated, suspecting (rightly or wrongly) that their faithful stewardship is taken for granted. The steady influx of "born again" religious liberals is a situation earnestly to be desired, but not at the expense of our elders' good will and continued involvement. So before murmuring about "all the strange new faces in worship" and "the church doesn't seem to need me anymore" becomes audible, congregational leaders might want to consider one or more of the following options for "honoring their elders "

Hearthside Chats
This is a very popular adult education program at the First Unitarian Society of Madison. Each fall, three venerable members of the Society are invited to share their intellectual and spiritual odysseys within the context of an informal "interview." These "chats" are held around a fireplace on three Sunday evenings in mid-winter, with a pre-registered audience of about thirty. Advance publicity features formal photographs and short autobiographical sketches of the "pillars." After an interview of approximately forty-five minutes hot cider and donuts are served, and a moderated conversation is conducted The program is videotaped, catalogued and kept in the library for a year, after which the cassette is placed in the Society's archives, as part of the "oral history" collection. The model just described is wonderfully flexible Elders also might be invited to share their stories at forums, after pot-lucks or in other appropriate venues. It is important not to offer "chats" or interviews too often, so that an honorific quality is maintained and a decent audience assured. As a general rule, some of the congregation's oldest members should be recruited first, but anyone over 50 years of age and with a quarter-century of tenure in the church ought to be considered. Publicized effectively, the popularity of these programs will surprise you.

Service Awards and Special Recognitions
At the celebration commemorating the fortieth anniversary of the opening of Frank Lloyd Wright's Unitarian Meeting House in Madison, special name-tags were prepared for member in long-standing. Persons of 20, 30, 40 and 50 years tenure were identified and credited. This recognition didn't require much time or effort, but it made a significant number of church stalwarts feel reaffirmed about their religious institution.

There are many simple yet effective ways to raise the visibility and enhance the stature of dedicated, older members. Like "New Member Sunday", a special worship service can be scheduled once a year to which "Old Members" are issued special invitations and during which they are applauded. Some congregations observe a Founder's Day, complete with special historical displays and remembrance celebrations. An articulate long-time member with a good memory may be asked to lead a tour of the building and grounds and share historical anecdotes as part of such a program.

Another option might be to present "Life-Time Achievement Awards" to individuals who have made extraordinary contributions to the community over a significant span of time. In Madison, two or three such "distinguished service'` plaques are presented in conjunction with the bi-annual canvass dinner and the response is always gratifying.

Fostering Intergenerational Connections
Crucial as it is to recognize and honor our elders for their constancy and their service, it is perhaps more important that an effort be made to keep these individuals continuously involved in the ongoing life of the congregation. We must work hard to insure that older members are not marginalized, and allowed eventually to slip out of sight entirely.

With the spotlight more and more being concentrated on new members and young families, a special effort may need to be made to invite elders to participate in activities like "Secret Friends" or church "family nights." Because many family activities end after dark, when older people are reluctant to drive, provisions for transportation may need to be made. This is, however, an excellent pretext for bringing younger and older adults into meaningful contact. Many congregations have experimented with "extended families,  "neighborhood circles," "circle suppers," and other social events where intergenerational mixing can take place. Achieving this purpose, however, requires a certain degree of intentionality; it likely will not happen automatically.

Recruiting elders to work and socialize with children and youth is another option. Retirees make attentive mentors for 8th and pith graders in church "Coming-of-Age" programs, and transplanted families with younger children can be invited to "Adopt a Grandparent" within the congregation. In the latter instance, parents can facilitate an initial meeting by inviting the "grandparent" to supper, or for an afternoon visit. Parent(s) may want to accompany the adoptive partners until they feel assured that the relationship is safe and mutually gratifying. Even as few as three contacts a year could be meaningful for the parties to such an arrangement.