Meditation with Children: A Guide

A Moment or Two of Silence: Integrating Meditation
into Unitarian Universalist Practices with Children

By Susan Freudenthal
Ethics and Religious Educator
Unitarian Universalist Church of Las Cruces
Las Cruces, NM

“We will now enter into a moment of silent contemplation, meditation, and prayer,” or so we're told each time we gather in community to worship. It is a piece of the fabric of our worship. To hold a sacred moment within and sometimes to let it sail forth is a gift we can give to our children and youth. It can have meaning for our children and youth when made relevant and when practiced consistently.

Why should we do it at all? Our children are increasingly programmed from playgroups, parents' working schedules, school, music, sports, after-school clubs, nature clubs, and religious education. Information is presented to all of us in sound bites, commercial jingles, and headline-only news. Children and youth are overstimulated. If you are finding it difficult to keep their attention, you are clearly in the majority.

I believe our children need time and the tools with which they can slow down their world. Giving our children and youth the ability to focus inward for a brief period introduces them to a lifelong spiritual practice in an increasingly stressful world. Committing ourselves to meditation practices with children and youth affirms our Unitarian Universalist values.

To nurture the practice of meditation with children and youth, you will need to be consistent. This element should be included in children's, intergenerational, and youth worship either weekly or biweekly. It is helpful to set a consistent tone and mood or ritual. I use a “worship bag” of consistent props, such as scarves and candles, and low lighting. We sit on the floor. I add music that fits the mood and tone of the meditation.

There are many different types of meditation. I will concentrate on three that work well with children and youth: Loving Kindness meditations, sitting meditations, and walking meditations. All three are practiced throughout the world and are rooted in the Buddhist tradition.

Loving Kindness Meditation

What is Loving Kindness meditation? Some call it “metta” meditation. As Unitarian Universalists, we embrace many ideas from a variety of sacred sources. The Loving Kindness meditation comes to us from the Mahayana branch of Buddhism. His holiness the Dali Llama of Tibet and Thich Nach Han, the Vietnamese Buddhist priest, are but two of the people whose influence on Western culture have helped popularize Loving Kindness.

Loving Kindness meditation begins with the idea of self-care. The Buddha described the spiritual path as the “uprooting of our personal mythologies.” Through meditation we can find, beneath our concepts as individuals, our connections to both all beings and ourselves. The first piece of a Loving Kindness meditation is to focus inward. This meditation practice uses four phrases repeated over and over:

May I be free from danger (May I be safe)
May I have mental happiness (May I be happy)
May I have physical happiness (May I be well)
May I have ease of wellbeing (May I live in peace)

The next piece of this practice is to extend the Loving Kindness to someone to whom we feel gratitude or respect, such as a parent or a teacher. Next the meditation is extended to a loved one, to beings we feel neither like nor dislike toward, and finally toward someone we may be in conflict with or someone who scares us.

Beginning the Practice

Set the mood; use a bell to signal the beginning and end of the meditation. Introduce the meditation by asking the children or youth if they know what meditation is; their responses will help you fill in the blanks. Remind them that meditation is not sitting still and being quiet. Tell them that today you are going to begin a different kind of meditation—a speaking meditation. Invite the group to choose a comfortable way to sit or lie down. They should be as comfortable as the space allows while remaining respectfully in the shared sacred space. Tell them you will ring a bell soon and they should repeat the words you speak after the bell rings. Let them know you will do this four times.

• (Ring bell) (Pause)
• May I be safe
• May I be happy
• May I be well
• May I live in peace
• (Repeat three more times and pause)
• (Ring bell)

Ask the group what the words meant to them. Tell them this is the beginning of a meditation practice called Loving Kindness. Ask them why they think this is the name of the meditation. You may say something like this: “Some people think if we do this meditation often, we will remember it. If we remember it, we will know that we deserve to be safe, happy, well, and peacemakers.” Offer this meditation for several weeks before moving to the next piece.

Next Steps

Once you've determined that your group understands the inward meditation and has practiced it a few times, explain the next piece. They will begin sending the meditation out to someone they want to thank—someone they respect or someone who has helped them recently. Remind them that this meditation is called Loving Kindness. Explain that the same words they've said for themselves, they will now say with someone else in mind. Ask them to think of one person for now.

• (Ring bell) (Pause)
• May you be safe
• May you be happy
• May you be well
• May you live in peace
• (Repeat three more times and pause)
• (Ring bell)

Allow time for the group to understand what you've done. Ask them if this meditation felt different and if so, how. Once again, make sure they leave knowing that their words do make a difference. The person they thought of might not know this meditation was meant for them, but that doesn't matter. The words they spoke are meant to bless those people to whom they feel grateful. Allow at least two sessions using this meditation. By the second week, add the first piece (May I be safe, etc.), spoken before this gratitude piece, so that they will extend loving kindness to themselves and to another.

By the third week, introduce the third blessing to those we don't know but wish well. Repeat the process of learning the new blessing one week and then adding the other blessings the next.

Introduce the final piece by saying something like this: “We all have someone in our lives that annoys us or makes us angry or frustrated, and it's normal to feel this way. There is something we can do to help us get over these feelings. We do not need to like everyone, but we do need to respect them as beings with whom we share our world. They, too, deserve happiness and good health. When we think about others this way, it can change the way we treat each other. If we think and say kind words to those we don't like, we find ourselves treating them with the same kindness. The trick is, we have to do this regularly, not just once or twice . ”

Using the now-familiar beginning setup for the meditation, tell the group that you are going to add that piece today. Ask them to think of a being (human or otherwise) they don't like–perhaps someone who hurt their feelings, someone they argue with, or someone who blamed them for something they didn't do. Tell them that when you begin the third round of the meditation, they are to name that person in their heads as they say, “May (name) be safe,” and so on.

(Ring bell)

May I be safe
May I be happy
May I be well
May I live in peace

May you be safe
May you be happy
May you be well
May you live in peace

May (name) be safe
May (name) be happy
May (name) be well
May (name) live in peace

When the meditation is complete, allow a moment of silence and then process the experience with the participants. How did that feel? What felt uncomfortable? What felt good and assuring? If they would like to repeat saying the meditation, allow time to do so.

Set aside time to speak with the group after several weeks about the possibility of changes in their feelings, whether toward themselves or others. It may not happen for anyone in your group. But by consistently offering this meditation, you have planted the idea of dignity and respect for all in an explicit, experiential way.

Zazen Meditation

Seated meditations, called “zazen” in the Buddhist tradition, are the most familiar in our culture. For many this means a quiet moment, a brief time to focus inward, often closed by the saying of words or music. Zazen can mean sitting in silence for twenty minutes, an hour, or even for whole days.

This type of meditation is often practiced with yoga. Kripalu yoga came into practice as a balance for meditation. It comes to us from the yogis of India. Yoga is a means by which our bodies can stretch and engage in a physical practice that allows the body to sit again in meditation. Many children and adults can benefit from a few simple yoga postures before sitting in meditation. Yoga postures are a type of body prayer and very helpful with children and other high-energy folks, since it incorporates movement into meditation. There are many resources available for using yoga with children. Within your own congregation there are probably several people who practice yoga. Start there.

Beginning the Practice

Invite children or youth to engage in the practice of Zazen meditation, which is centuries old. Ask them to find a comfortable position to sit in; let them know they will be sitting this way for a few minutes. If the group has difficulty settling down, offer a few yoga postures, deep breathing, and stretching to ready them. Tell them about this practice of meditation. You might explain: “People use it to help clear their minds and to find a quietness within themselves. It allows us to listen to our hearts beating and feel our lungs expand and contract with air. It helps us remember that we are alive; our bodies need attention as well as our brains. Some people think that after meditation, they are better able to think and solve problems.”

Light a candle. Invite the group to look into the flame to help them focus inward. Dim the lighting if possible. Tell them that you will soon ring a bell or chime, and when it is silent the meditation time will begin.

• Ring bell/chime to begin.
• Ask them to breathe in and out (slowly) several times. Say something like: “Can you hear your breath? Can you feel how your tummy rises and falls as you breathe? Listen, breathe—in and out, in and out. Listen very carefully; try to keep your brain free from thoughts.”
• “If you cannot keep from thinking, look into the candle flame. Concentrate by looking at the flame. Do you see the different colors of the flame? Keep breathing, in and out. Close your eyes and breathe.”
• Say something like “I am going to stop talking now, so that we can listen more carefully to our breath. Please stay still and breath until you hear the bell/chime ring.”
• Ring bell/chime.
• Ask the group to stretch out their legs and their arms, roll their heads, and open their eyes.
• Bring the group to a standing position.
• Tell them to clasp hands over the heart and bow from the waist to the group.
• Invite the children or youth to offer a word that describes how they now feel.

Walking Meditation

Walking meditations are probably the most challenging to practice with children. Trying to teach a group to walk mindfully without incident will take time. Give yourself and your group the gift of patience. Walking meditations are practiced most often in silence. They are often used as a bridge between two Zazen sessions to refocus the body and mind after sitting for a long time. The walking meditation often lasts for ten minutes. Use your judgment—ten minutes is a long time for a group of young children.

Beginning the Practice

• Ask the participants to remove their shoes.
• Tell them you will ring the chime/bell three times; when the third chime fades away, they should all turn facing the same direction (left), and begin walking.
• Say: “Walk as slowly as you can. Notice how each step feels in your feet. Notice how your heel lifts off the floor. Are your feet cold? Warm?” Keep talking quietly as the participants walk, reminding them to pay attention to what their feet feel.
• Ring a bell/chime to signal the end of this session.
• Direct the participants to return to their original spots and sit.
• Tell the participants to stretch out their legs, flex their feet, wiggle their toes, and come to standing.
• Release the group by asking them to bow. Ask them to place their folded hands over their hearts and bend from the waist toward the entire group.
• Invite participants to reflect on the experience.

Walking meditations are best done without readings; however soft music may help the group to move freely. Send them on their way with kindness and blessings. Walking meditation should be included as a regular practice in order for the participants to benefit from it and to understand that meditation is not simply sitting still as a stone.

Meditation: A Tool for All Ages

Expand your options; there are many other ways to meditate. Make room for your ideas and take suggestions from your participants to keep the practice of meditation alive in your group. Communicate with others about why you think these practices are important.

The practice of meditation is a useful tool for all ages. Knowing how to be mindful of one's physical being, finding the space within to truly listen to your heart's songs, listening to your breath, and slowing down just for a few moments are priceless tools for young and old alike. Remember to set aside the time to practice. But be kind to yourself when time does not allow for meditation practices. Simply keep trying. Expect the best from your groups and as time passes, they will expect no less for themselves. So may it be.