RE Vision: Reflections on the
Unitarian Universalist Second Principle

By Bette Rotert
Director of Religious Education
North Shore Unitarian Church
Deerfield, IL

We affirm and promote justice, equity, and compassion in human relations (all people should be treated fairly and kindly).

To begin a conversation about our second Principle, we need to first define what we mean by justice, equity, and compassion. What does it mean to be a just person? According to Kenneth Collier in his book Our Seven Principles, “A just person has achieved a kind of inner peace, an ordering of oneself within, and recognition and acceptance of one's worth, and a cultivation of dignity.” According to Plato, “The ideal just person is one who has solved inner conflicts, ordered the heart, and is at peace.” Black Elk, the great Oglala Sioux holy man, says that there are three kinds of peace: “that which is within the heart, that which is between friends and neighbors, and that which is among nations. But without peace within the heart there cannot be peace between neighbors or among nations. Peace cannot be maintained among people who are at war with themselves.”

If this is what a just person is, then what is equity in our relationships with others? If we accept the dignity and worth of ourselves, then how can we deny those same values to others? According to Collier, “Justice implies equity; justice and equity are twins, justice being the internal state and equity being the outward expression of our commitment to justice. In short, there is no justice without equity and there is no equity without compassion.”

The true definition of compassion is “to suffer with another.” According to Collier, this does not mean to “take away the suffering of another or to make it all better.” It means that if we are a just person and care about other people, when we see inequity and pain in others we suffer with them. If this is the definition of our second Principle, then we need to ask ourselves as parents, “How are we raising children to respect the inherent worth and dignity of all and to believe in justice, equity and compassion?

Here are some possible suggestions. I am sure you can add others:

• Keep promises.
• Be fair in your treatment of your children and each other.
• Give children choices as well as guidance and feedback so that it is clear that we care what choices they make.
• Ask for your children's opinion and input in family discussions.
• Teach them acceptance and joy in the rich diversity of lifestyles, backgrounds, and spirituality of friends and neighbors.
• Educate them about the damaging effects of prejudice and bigotry.
• Acknowledge our own, our children's, and others' accomplishments.
• Do social action and community service together as a family.

Here is a suggestion from the Taking It Home: Families and Faith booklet “Let's Talk About Respect,” by Nancy Palmer-Jones and Pat Hoertdoerfer:

Set aside a time every week for the family to gather for shared conversations and activities. Pick a time that works for your family. Create a sense of sacred space and time by starting off with a small ritual: light a candle; say a few shared words, which can be as simple as “We gather together as a family to share what's important in our lives” or as varied as some of the readings in our UU hymnal Singing the Living Tradition . Invite everyone to be silent for a moment and take a breath together. Then move into the activity or topic for the week. You might begin with discussions about living the seven Principles in daily life. For younger children, you might want to read a story. For older children, engage in a discussion. At the end of the time together, choose something from the discussion that all of you agree to work on for the week. For example, “This week everyone will pay attention to ways they criticize or try to ‘fix' each other.” At your next meeting, check in: What did you find out? How did it feel? What would each person like to do differently? Then spend the next week paying attention to the changes each of you requested, and check in again.

Once again, these activities and ideas point out the fact that we here at the church can't do this alone. We have your children for only 75 minutes each week. Their real religious training happens at home with you. We provide the stimuli, but you as the parents are going to be facing the big questions. I always say I won't share personal experience, but this is one that I think really illustrates my point. When my children were younger, it was often really hard to get everyone home at the same time for a family meal. I was determined to have a meal together and had finally managed it, so as we were sitting there I suggested that everyone share their day and how things were going. We started around the table, each person telling about what was happening in their life. Eventually we came to my daughter, who promptly said, “So Mom, why do people have to die?” And there I was, having to deal with one of those big questions. As Ralph Waldo Emerson says, “In dealing with my child, my Latin and Greek, my accomplishments and my money stead me nothing; but as much soul as I have avails.”