The Time of Our Lives: Balance for UU Families

By Pat Kahn
Director of Religious Education
Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Atlanta
Atlanta, GA

I returned to Atlanta from General Assembly with the Family Matters Task Force (FMTF) booklets on CD, Taking It Home: Families and Faith. Talking with parents from the congregation made me realize that the balance of time is a big issue for our families. A parent suggested that I create a class about it. Using the FMTF booklet "Let’s Talk About Time/Money Balance,"  by Jacqueline Clement, as a guide, I created a seven-week workshop,"The Time of Our Lives: Balance for UU Families." Each week the group met for one hour only—trying to be mindful of time—and explored different aspects of time. Participants began keeping time logs to become more aware of their use of time.

• Week one. Participants discerned and affirmed the people and things in their lives that they value most. We developed plans for setting and intentionally using time in alignment with values. Many resources were available for this first meeting, including the books and video of Dr. William Doherty  and materials from the Take Back Your Time website .
  
• Week two. The group watched and discussed Bill Doherty’s video, "Take Back Your Family Time." This is a resource for parents who feel they have lost control of their family’s time and been relegated to the roles of chauffeur, purchasing agent, and recreation director. It addresses the loss of family rituals, such as regular dinners, visits with grandparents, and family relations.
  
• Week three. Participants explored after-school and weekend time, focusing on the activities and organized sports commitments of their children.
  
• Week four. Participants explored work time and school time. The group discussed essays about work from the book Take Back Your Time, edited by John de Graaf. School time resources included the homework chapter in Susan Ohanian’s book What Happened to Recess and Why Are Our Children Struggling in Kindergarten? and Alfie Kohn’s The Schools Our Children Deserve: Moving Beyond Traditional Classrooms and Tougher Standards. The group touched on homeschooling, since one of the parents attending the class was homeschooling her children.
  
• Week five. The group focused on mealtime and bedtime. Sources for this session included Bill Doherty’s book Putting Family First and Meg Cox’s The Book of New Family Traditions: How to Create Great Rituals for Holidays and Everyday. An additional resource for this would be Dr. Tracey Hurd’s essay "The Gift of Time" on the UUA website.
  
• Week six. The group explored relaxation and recreation time, including family vacations and Sabbath time.
  
• Week seven. The workshop was a planning session called "How Do We Do It?" The group used the "Unplug the Christmas Machine" workshop model, which I had led for the congregation. Participants listed all of the tasks involved in Christmas on an inventory; then they listed their values and made a comparison of how they spent their time versus what they said was most important. Realizing the disparity between the two was difficult. Next they created a "fantasy" of what well-balanced time in their lives would look like. They ended by creating an action plan. Participants prioritized one area for improvements and developed some steps toward that goal. Participants gave lots of support and encouragement to each other.
  
• Week eight. This "extra" session centered on playing "The Game of Balance" from the FMTF booklet Let’s Talk About Time, Money, and Balance.

The group had fun developing this workshop and companion resources. Participants have made a pact to get back together again in the new year to see how their holiday plans and balancing time action plans worked for them.