Secret Encounters:
Addressing Sexual Behaviors
in Group Settings

By Michael Shelton
Review by Tera Little, Program Consultant, UUA
Pacific Southwest District

Although this book is published by the American Camping Association, the author combines his experience in the camping field with his clinical training (M.S., C.A.C., C.F.T.) to help camp (or congregational) leaders to assess their setting, think through possible situations, define their priorities and parameters, and develop an action plan or safety policy. Each of the eight chapters can be helpful to the religious educator, youth advisor, and RE leader:

• Chapter 1 challenges readers to evaluate their knowledge of human sexuality
• Chapters 2 and 3 take on the goal of creating a psychologically and physically safe camp (congregation/conference) environment.
• Chapters 4- 7 cover sexual assault, sexual harassment, childhood sexuality, and child sexual abuse.
• Chapter 8 focuses on interventions for the camp director/religious educator/youth advisor against inappropriate sexual behavior.
• Appendices are complete with sample forms, surveys, and policies.

Secret Encounters: Addressing Sexual Behaviors in Group Settings by Michael Shelton was published in summer 2004 by the American Camping Association, and while it specifically deals with children and youth sexuality within the camp setting, there is much in this book that will be of interest to Unitarian Universalist church staff and volunteers. The book covers topics from like an atmosphere that discourages inappropriate sexual behavior to screening staff, setting up a safety plan, talking with staff about safety, and dealing with sexual harassment, sexual abuse, and sexual assault

Shelton’s attitude toward the sexual development of children and youth is very much in keeping with the Our Whole Lives philosophy: People of all ages are sexual beings, and there are developmentally appropriate ways of demonstrating sexuality. Shelton goes on to say that just because a child, youth, or adult is going to camp (or entering a religious education program or attending a youth conference) that does not mean they are able to turn off this part of themselves. Rather, it is up to us to ensure that we create a culture of safety and respect in which harmful behaviors such as sexual harassment, assault, or abuse will not be tolerated

One of the most useful things in this book is Shelton’s assertion that no matter what, we are never going to stamp out sexual activity in the camp (or RE, or youth conference) setting. These places are some of the most romantic atmospheres in our society – time away from reality, in close proximity to peers, and in situations that foster physical and emotional closeness. Shelton says that if you have a zero tolerance toward sexuality in your program, you will only drive sexual behaviors underground, making them even harder for upper management to detect. He advocates a more open policy with the understanding that this will encourage greater communication about sexual activities and will make it more likely that aberrant behavior will be reported. This does not mean that we throw caution to the wind and encourage “free love” among participants but rather that we allow appropriate, age-related sexual expression and that when faced with a situation that involves a more intense contact than is allowed, we do not immediately panic and banish the couple from the activity.

Shelton also points out that we can never absolutely make our space “safe.” We cannot prevent every imaginable situation. What we can do is work on prevention and create an environment in which unhealthy behaviors cannot thrive. He offers a safety survey, one for staff members and another for children or youth participants, so that the management can begin to adequately assess how safe people feel in the program. Once you have an idea of the level of emotional, physical, and sexual safety people feel, then you can begin to craft a safety plan.

There are very good chapters dealing with sexual assault between members of your staff (this translates to sexual assault between members of your youth group or participants at a youth conference), sexual harassment, and child sexual abuse. In the sexual assault chapter he discusses triggers for assault within relationships, such as jealousy, anger, alcohol, trying to control the behavior of another, trying to gain revenge, or trying to protect one’s image. He also gives a very clear outline of how to deal with sexual assault if it occurs in your program:

• Stay calm.
• Give the victim partial control of the situation.
• Do not act as judge. Shelton is very adamant that this is the role of the legal system should the victim decide to press charges. It’s the role of management to create a safe environment and make all efforts to prevent similar assaults.
• Do not act as therapist. While we may be empathetic, most of us are not trained counselors or social workers, skilled in dealing with interpersonal violence. We need to have resources available in the event this does take place.
• Treat individuals as employees first. By this Shelton means that it is important not to focus on or get involved in the details of their romantic lives. Upper management needs to maintain a level of professionalism in its work.

This book is well worth your investment. It is very helpful in terms of looking at ways we assess safety at camps and conferences.

To order, visit www.ACAcamps.org or call the ACA bookstore directly at 800-428-2267.