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Tracey L. Hurd, Ph.D.
Lifespan Faith Development, UUA
Boston, MA
How can we support the development of intergenerational friendships in
our congregations? At First Parish, Concord, the congregation participates
in Special Pals, a five-week pen pal program that links adults/youth with
younger “pals” initiated by Rev. Nancy Dean Franks. The program
has a period of recruiting participants, a five-week period of letter
writing, and a culminating celebration where the senior “pals”
identities are revealed and pal-pairs get to meet each other in person.
Through Special Pals children gain authentic friendships with adults,
which are unmediated by their parents. Adults enjoy a joyful, sustaining
connection to younger generations. Youth are able to be mentors. Volunteer
leaders of the program find coordinating this program that celebrates
love and community deeply rewarding.
Special Pal programs can happen in a variety of ways. The following is
an outline of steps used at First Parish.
- Arrange with the congregational administrator a good time for Special
Pals. The program requires two large bulletin boards on which younger
and older pals can post their letters; a day/time for the closing celebration.
- Advertise the program and recruit participants. A sample entry from
a congregation newsletter stated:
- “The sign-up for Special Pals will take place at the
coffee hours today. Come to the Special Pals table and learn more
about this ever-popular pen pal program, which connects our 1st-
through 6th-grade children with youth and adults in the congregation.
Children sign up to be a ‘young pal,’ while older youth
and adults participate in the mystery as the ‘older pal.’
Teenagers and adult: This is a great opportunity to meet the younger
generation at First Parish. We need as many youth and adults as
there are children in the program. Questions? Call …”
- Sign up participants and provide program information. Both older
and younger pals should fill out forms, indicating their contact information
(which may include email), some interests (e.g., skiing, cats, etc.),
and any pal preferences (e.g., some participating youth feel more comfortable
having same-gender younger pals, etc.). Program information should address
Special Pals, logistics (younger pals can only reach older pals through
the parish bulletin boards since they don’t know the pals’
identity, while older pals can use regular mail), and a reminder about
the day and time of the celebration. Older pals need to be reminded
that they are responsible for keeping the pal-pair connection going;
some younger pals write infrequently.
- Make the pal matches. Communicate pal assignments with the older
pals. Remind younger pals that soon they will start to receive mail
from their pals.
- If possible, post reminders in newsletters or via announcements,
reminding parish pals to continue to write and to be creative in their
connections! Posting a pal a joke, a drawing, or wrapped cookie can
be just as good as a letter. Older pals can provide clues to their identities.
Remind pals that younger pals should address their correspondence (posted
on the bulletin board) “To the Special Pal of child’s name.”
- Create the celebration. A good time for this is after or between
Sunday services. The celebration should have an opening portion during
which the pal-pairs are asked to come together. This can be quite dramatic
with a fun and charismatic “MC”. Sometimes pal-pairs exchange
small gifts, such as flowers. At First Parish, the pal-pairs are photographed
together and the younger pal gets an instant photo during the celebration.
Food and music can complete the celebration.
- Give thanks. Although being part of Special Pals is a joy, it is
wonderful to recognize the volunteers who have made it happen, the children
and their families, and the adults/youth who so generously engaged in
the program.
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