Advancing toward equality in marriage

Strategic advice from Evan Wolfson, Executive Director, Freedom to Marry
April, 2004

Non-gay allies are vitally needed and have much to offer in the civil rights struggle for marriage equality for same-sex couples. It is crucial that diverse non-gay people, clergy, and opinion-leaders who support the goal of marriage equality speak out in the public arena.

We have learned that to move the reachable-but-not-yet-reached middle, we must help them to understand the question of marriage equality through two frames:

1) This is about people who have made a personal commitment to each other, who are doing the hard work of marriage in their lives, caring for one another and their kids, if any, etc. (think of Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon). Now these people, having in truth made a personal commitment to each other, want and deserve a legal commitment.

2) Once frame 1 has given the discussion a human story, face, and voice, fold in the second frame: it is discrimination, it is wrong, it is unfair, to deny these couples and families marriage and its important tangible and intangible protections and responsibilities. It is discrimination. America has had to make changes before to end discrimination and unfair treatment, and government should not be denying any American equality under the law.

Actions we take should reinforce these frames and messages so as to reach the middle at this crucial moment. Non-gay allies clearly can help deliver reinforcing messages in both frames -- talking about families they know and care about, couples they have counseled or worked with, etc., and talking about why, as citizens, etc., we have a responsibility to stand up against discrimination, etc.

At the same time, the non-gay voices and support we urgently want and need should not overshadow or crowd out these crucial frames.

It is also important to clearly highlight that the freedom to marry movement is challenging discrimination in legal or "civil" marriage. Actions that blur the distinction between the right to marry and religious marriage rites step on our message. Religious leaders and people of faith can play a crucial role in helping make the distinction clear, while speaking in a discourse of love, humanity, pastoral care and community support, etc., that supports frames 1 and 2.

I continue to appreciate the exceptional contribution of Unitarian Universalists to the cause of marriage equality, and look forward to working together as you continue to lift your voices and take action to advance this civil rights movement.

Unitarian Universalist Association
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