Unloved

Rev. Nancy O. Arnold
Unitarian Universalist Church of Akron, Ohio
November 7, 2004

In his concession speech to President Bush, Senator John Kerry urged his supporters “to work for the good of the nation.”

In the days ahead we must find common cause…without remorse or recrimination, without anger or rancor. America is in need of unity and longing for a larger message of compassion.

Senator Kerry urged us to “begin the healing” that will bridge the divide in our country, and in ourselves. “Don’t lose faith,” he said.

“Don’t lose faith.” That’s a very difficult challenge in the wake of an election that pitted conservative moral values against principles of moral freedom. If you were not among the voters who opted for the candidate who made them feel “safe and secure,” you may be having a crisis of faith. At the very least, you are acutely aware that your moral values are not shared by more than half the country.

The song “Unloved” by Jann Arden may express how some of you are feeling:

There will be no consolation prize
This time the bone is broken clean
No baptism, no reprise
and no sweet taste of victory.
All the stars have fallen from the sky
And everything else in between
Satellites have closed their eyes
The moon has gone to sleep.
Unloved, unloved, unloved, unloved.

Unloved. At least ten percent of us in this country – and particularly here in Ohio – know what it feels like to be unloved here at home. We are part of the “immoral” minority that got beaten on Tuesday. One New York writer described himself as

Beaten and bashed and bloodied and bruised. By Georgia, By Ohio. By Michigan. By Arkansas, Kentucky, Mississippi, Montana, North Dakota, Oregon, Oklahoma and Utah. And by a majority of the voters of this country generally. (e-mail from Cindy Mullins’ friend in NYC)

Why? Because he is gay and an American. Unloved.

In October, UUA President Bill Sinkford wrote:

Most destructive and divisive in this political campaign is its tone of fear and fundamentalism – the notion that there is only one way to be religious, only one holy scripture worthy of being followed. Only one way to be patriotic. Only one way to be a family. And, sadly, only one way to be an American.

We religious liberals share our pews with those who do not share our theology….We know that pluralism is a blessing, and…that our differences… (are) a gift we can offer this campaign-scarred nation. (A Pastoral Letter from the Rev. William G. Sinkford, October 2004)

“We need not think alike, to love alike,” Unitarian Francis David said centuries ago. Love must be our guiding principle as we move forward in faith.

We might begin the healing by coming together in Love, as we are today. Like our country, this congregation has suffered the divides of political affiliation during this election year. The tension experienced in the larger society was felt right here at home, in our church. Some of us were guided by our own moral certainty that there was only one political choice if you are a Unitarian Universalist. Those in the political minority of this church experienced firsthand how it feels to be unloved in their own faith community.

Who are the unloved? Who are the “undesirables” as Mohandas Gandhi named them? Who are the people we avoid, or fear, or harbor resentment toward? Who are the people, different from us, who evoke such unloving thoughts that we forget they are part of the same humanity we share?

The unloved are those “undesirables” who challenge us to come together in Love. The unloved might be people from different socio-economic backgrounds, race, sexual orientations, religious, or political persuasions. The “undesirables” might be those, who like Norman’s mother, grew up feeling unloved by their own parents. They might be those who suffer from mental illness, addictions, or chronic diseases. They might be homeless or unemployed or very wealthy. In short, “they” might be us, given different circumstances.

At any given time in our lives, we may be the unloved. We may feel like victims, or scapegoats, outsiders, or “undesirables.” And yet, when we are confronted with those who are different – or undesirable -- we treat them in the same hurtful ways we have experienced. We avoid them. We close our hearts to them. We rage at them. We may choose the path that separates us even further from our shared humanity.

We had an example of this in our own church the week before the election. At its monthly meeting, the Board was asked to grant permission for the film “Fahrenheit 911” to be shown at the church the Friday before Election Day. After a great deal of discussion, the Board voted not to approve the request, because it was “not in the best interest of the congregation at this time.”

What followed was an outpouring of e-mail letters to the Board, most paraphrasing Michael Moore by saying “Shame on you, Board!” Letter writers said they were “ashamed of their church.” Board members felt attacked, and yes – they felt unloved.

No one bothered to ask Board members why the decision was made. The letter writers made the assumption that the Board was censoring their rights of free speech “out of fear of offending a handful of people or invoking the outrage of the community.” Board President, Char Bowden, responded to these accusations by stating

The Board’s decision was based on the legal issues involved and concerns about the wounds suffered by some members of our congregation through the hostile manner in which political discussions have been handled. The Board’s decision had nothing to do with the controversial nature of the film nor concerns about public perceptions of our religion. (Char Bowden, October 29, 2004)

I’d like to believe that the furor over the Board’s decision was due to heightened tensions surrounding the election. That may have contributed to the uproar, but it certainly wasn’t what was really behind it. The kind of reactive behavior on the part of some members toward “the Board” is the way we do business here. Once a year, the congregation elects members to represent them on the Board of Trustees. Believe it or not, people do not campaign to serve on the Board. They are usually convinced to be Board members because they bring gifts of leadership to the position. Does this mean we always agree with the decisions the Board makes? Of course not. But, if Love is the doctrine of this church, then we must learn to disagree in love, not by lashing out or by shaming.

The challenge to us as a liberal religious community is that we all have very strong – and different – ways of expressing our truth. There are different points of appeal from which we proceed. In this most recent example, the Board acted out of respect, compassion, and responsibility for the good of the congregation as a whole. In response, some members disagreed on legal and free speech grounds. They saw the Board’s decision based in fear and pandering to political correctness. The Board and members saw the issue differently, from their respective understandings of what it means to be a Unitarian Universalist in Akron.

This is but the latest example of how our behavior belies our doctrine of Love. We say we come together in Love. And yet, we act toward each other as if our own “rightness” supersedes our desire for unity. May I remind you of the wisdom of Hosea Ballou, the “Father of Universalism” in this country:

If we agree in love, there is no disagreement that can do us any injury, but if we do not, no other agreement can do us any good.

Let us endeavor to keep the unity of the spirit in the bonds of peace.

If you think I am advocating for a peace that placates, think again. What I suggest to you is that we must learn new ways of expressing our disagreement that are not so hurtful. We saw the damage political divisions caused in this recent election -- in this church, as well as in the country at large. I expect better of this church. We are a beacon of hope for this liberal religious faith of ours. We are intelligent, passionate, mostly caring people who want what is best for our church, and our country. Surely we can figure out ways to be with one another in our disagreement that does not leave so many of us feeling unloved.

We will have an opportunity to examine and consider the ways in which we conduct ourselves at the Congregation Covenanting Process next Sunday. Immediately following the morning service, there will be a potluck lunch and workshop designed to help us craft a behavioral covenant. Your participation in this process is critical to the vitality and health of this congregation. More importantly, your participation will be an act of love that will shape the church we want to become.

“There is no power greater than the power of love,” Jack Kornfield writes. With love, there is “no shadow that can withstand the power of compassion, no demon that can overwhelm the power of openheartedness. Through their example our eyes are opened to the possibilities of bringing light to our own shadows.” (Kornfield and Feldman, Soul Food, p. 143)

Whether we are in positions of power…or in poverty…we will be tested. We will be asked to summon the spirit of greatness, of compassion, of openheartedness over and over again in our lives. Perhaps this is what we are here for, to learn this single lesson. In the end the strength that we have to fall back upon is not our credentials or accomplishments or the ideals we hold but our humanness itself. … We awake each morning and go to sleep each night; we eat and walk and feel in deep ways the preciousness and mystery of our very humanness. (Soul Food, 143-144)

Above all, we love. In these post-election days, and before we embark on our own covenanting process, I urge you: “Don’t lose faith.”

I challenge us all to call upon the “unloved” parts of ourselves. Pay attention to how it feels to be distant from those who do not share your values, your faith, or your life experience.

This is not an intellectual exercise. It is meant to connect you with the place deep within where your heart takes its measure. For that is where Love abides.

“Let us endeavor to keep the unity of the spirit in the bonds of peace.” Amen.

Unitarian Universalist Association
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