To be Openhearted is to Feel Heartbroken

The Rev. Meg A. Riley
Director, UUA Office of Advocacy and Witness
May, 2004

Anyone who has glimpsed a moment of media in recent weeks has been stunned to see visual depictions of humiliation, abuse, and torture which are physically and spiritually sickening. Our temptation is to push them away from us, to refuse to allow them to affect our daily lives. In so doing, however, we may wind up closing off other precious parts of ourselves—our emotions, our compassion, our very humanity.

As I write this, I struggle with rage and my own desire to use blame to separate these images from me. This blaming energy is something with which I am intimately familiar — negation, refusing to acknowledge my own relatedness to something I abhor. I want to deny the humanity of the ones I consider responsible for this abuse. But when I examine this impulse, I recognize that it is rooted in the same kind of dehumanization that led to the abuse in the first place. As one committed to consciousness, I am trying to set it aside.

And so, I am trying to take this opportunity to simply breathe into the pain of what is. Only in allowing that breath, that pain, can I touch into the deeper reality of what is—a reality which includes abuse, yes, but also includes the yearning of the soul for connectedness, for relatedness, for a bond between us which cannot be severed, no matter how atrocious the behavior of another.

While Unitarian Universalists have always answered a call to save the world and to counter injustice, these horrifying and troubling days may provide us with another opportunity – a time in which we can be still and look inward, before we act.

Here, then, are my thoughts about growing a soul during this challenging time. I welcome your reflections as well, as we counter the ancient reptilian impulse to lash out and instead try to reflect and meditate on what we as faithful people can do.

1. Authorize yourself to turn off media. You don't need to see these images endlessly replayed. Chances are, they're already firmly located in your mind's eye anyway. Radio and other non-visual sources can keep you informed about investigations and other aspects of this story which are important to you.
   
2. It may be that these images connect in some way with your own life experience, something as big as having relatives who survived the Nazi Holocaust or as particular as having been humiliated or abused in your home or on your playground as a kid. Take time to honor your painful memories, to write or tell someone about them. If they persist, talk to a counselor or minister.
   
3. Meditate or pray in any way that is comforting to you. If you're just starting a practice, I recommend Sharon Salzberg's work on Metta (lovingkindness) meditation or Pema Chodron's work on Tibetan meditation . Both have published many guided CDs as well as books.
   
4. Human contact is important right now, to reaffirm our connectedness as a species. Pat the shoulder of someone you hardly know. Look into someone's eyes when they sell you a newspaper. Pause to offer kindness to the person who asks you for money outside of a café. Call an elderly relative who is isolated from the family. Hug your kids, your friends, or your spouse even more than usual.
   
5. Surround yourself with music that affirms your spirit. Music from cultures that channel oppression into art might hold special power.
   
6. Take time to create an altar which affirms the beauty and trouble of our human condition. Tend it as you would a garden, keeping it alive with your attention.
   
7. With people you trust will really listen, (your partner, covenant group, or an email list), take time to express your deeper feelings. If you are an introvert, you may want to write first. Try using a structure, such as “I am angry because…” and writing till you are done with that. “I am afraid because…” until done. “I am sad because…” “I am even more committed to life because…” Or, write a poem in the model of Thich Nhat Hahn's “Please Call Me By My True Names,” claiming each aspect of this story as an aspect of yourself. (“I am the Iraqi prisoner, and I am the jailer…; I am Donald Rumsfeld and I am the grieving mother…”)
   
8. Beware of becoming the victim of your emotions. Unlike the people who were humiliatated, you still have many options for action available to you. Taking any action, no matter how small or insignificant it may feel, is the antidote to victimization. This website provides many links to vehicles for activism.

Be kind to yourself and to others…these are challenging days, and while our hearts may feel broken, the world is in need of our care and love.

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