From “U-First: The Newsletter of the Unitarian
Universalist Society of Gardner,”
October, 2003
The Rev. Dr. Cynthia L. Landrum
Minister’s Column
This month I have been struggling with the decision to not sign
marriage licenses until our state gives same-gender couples the
right to marry. Many of you may remember that I preached on this
subject last year. In addition, last year I talked at length about
it with the Executive Committee and with the Committee on Ministry.
The reaction from the committees and members of this congregation
was supportive and open to my making this decision. Then, unfortunately,
I set the decision aside for the summer. Well, a new year brings
with it renewed vision, and I have decided to sign the form, written
by my colleague the Rev. Fred Small, of the Littleton UU church.
I have not done so yet, but expect to sign this month.
What does this mean? It does not mean I will not perform weddings.
I will still perform the religious functions of a minister, and
perform weddings for those who request them. It means I will not
perform the legal function of signing the license only, and will
refer couples to a justice of the peace. I have discussed this with
the one couple I am already committed to performing a service for,
and they have embraced my decision. In many countries in this world,
the civil and religious services for marriage are separate events,
and, in essence, a wedding I perform would function the same way.
Also, this gives me a sense of fairness—I perform exactly
the same level of services for all couples, whether the couple is
two people of the same gender or of different gender.
Ever since I started performing weddings, I have struggled with
the dual role of the minister at a wedding as a religious celebrant
and as an agent of the state. And, ever since my own marriage, I
have struggled with accepting rights and privileges that have not
been extended to all. When I heard several of my colleagues say
that they were taking this action, it was an “ah-ha!”
moment for me. It made complete sense. Tears came to my eyes at
the thought of how this action could make a difference, and how
natural it felt. It was, in a way, a spiritual experience of opening
and recognition.
And then I dragged my feet. A lot of people said to me that this
action didn’t make sense to them, which was something I considered.
And, too, I knew that this could represent a very real financial
cost to me, as some couples might go elsewhere to have someone perform
both the civil and religious services for them. And I thought, and
struggled, and thought some more. Ultimately, however, I am convinced
that this action is the right one. I go back to that “ah-ha!”
moment, and I know the rightness of the feeling of it. And so I
have declared publicly my decision to sign this moratorium.
I am grateful to my colleagues who have boldly led the way; grateful
to our free faith, which gives me strength; and especially grateful
to this religious community for supporting me in this decision.
Thank you.
Namaste,
Cindy
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