Joys and Concerns: A Joy To Behold, if Done Right

Done well, they show that we're a caring and reverent religious community. Done poorly, they embarrass us. Joys and Concerns, our Sunday morning sharing of the highs and lows of our lives, can be a rich and rewarding experience that builds community. Or it can start the week on a sour note as speakers take off on political and commercial tangents, give too much vacation detail, and share their weight-loss successes.

Many congregations have found new ways to make joys and concerns meaningful. At the River of Grass UU Church (100 members), in south Florida, members are invited to come early, write their joys and concerns in a book and light a candle at the front of the sanctuary.

During the service, the minister reads the comments, ending with a prayer and period of silence. "We are a new congregation," says member Deb Wood. "We saw this as a way to avoid problems that some of us experienced at other churches, where the sharing time could be torture."

The UU Church of Little Rock, AR (199), also asks for written messages. "Since it takes time to write them, we don't have any long ones now," says Johnye Strickland, president. "We also print them in our newsletter to keep everybody informed."

At the UU Church of Berkeley, Kensington, CA (555), those who write caring concerns into the Memory Book on Sunday morning are named in the minister's meditation. They also receive a caring note and some are contacted later by the minister. After each service the Committee on Parish Ministry offers "a caring, listening presence to those who want to share sorrows," says the Rev. Barbara Hamilton-Holway.

With 53 members, the UU Church of Whidbey Island, Freeland, WA, lets members speak. Because they are frequently reminded (in the order of service, from the pulpit, and elsewhere) to treat Joys and Concerns with respect, "It is a very meaningful, moving time . . . and not likely to be abused," says member Kord Roosen-Runge. When there are problems, the offender is gently reminded.

At the UU Community Church of Glen Allen, VA (153), a chime is sounded to begin Joys and Concerns, and again when there is time for one more. At First UU Society of San Francisco, CA (500), people light candles silently in the service and write messages for posting in the entryway, says Moderator Galen Workman.

"If done well, joys and concerns can serve as the UU equivalent of what more liturgical traditions call 'the prayers of the people,'" says the Rev. John Buehrens, UUA president. "The problem is that we have little sense of liturgy––a word that just means 'the work of the people'––little sense of how worship needs to have a shape and tone that is reverent rather than self-indulgent."

He encourages "having joys and concerns become part of the pastoral prayer, or be spoken aloud in the silences of what is called a 'bidding prayer.'" Here's an example:

"Today we are grateful for many things. Here in community we call them to mind and speak aloud some of the things that bring us joy. 'My daughter's graduation. . . Our wedding anniversary. . . etc.' 'Today we have concerns and prayers for loved ones and friends. For Christine's operation. . .For Ed's loss of his mother . . ..' "This can convey to newcomers that this is a caring and reverent religious community," says Buehrens. "I personally do not care for the custom of people coming forward to speak multiple sentences about joys or concerns. All too often it is not reverent and seems more an exercise in 'let me tell you about me' than a real religious exercise. Ministers should be allowed to help limit joys and concerns and make them a more effective part of a liturgy that works for the whole congregation, including visitors."