Men's Groups a Key Part of Religious Communities

The men’s group at the Unitarian Church of Evanston, Ill. (441 members), is going strong in its 19th year. Its 15 members meet every other Sunday evening. The meetings start with five minutes of housekeeping, candle lighting, a short reading, one-minute check-ins, then discussion of a preselected topic followed by an opportunity for more personal sharing and then a “bear hug” closing.

At other times the group may go out for supper prior to the meeting or members may see a male-oriented movie together. The group holds an annual retreat in the spring and sometimes a shorter one in the fall. It also sponsors an all-male potluck at church and supports boys in the church's coming of age program. In the past it has coordinated a Mother’s Day luncheon, conducted a worship service, and helped with the annual church picnic.

What makes this group thrive? “The group keeps going because we’ve all become good trusted friends that we can confide in,” says member Dave Woods. “We keep our topics interesting and they draw members in, and the retreats help, too. Plus, our group prides itself on being ‘leader full.’ There is no one person leading it. If any one of us were to drop out and move on, the group would still do well.”

A men’s group is a valuable resource for any congregation. To form one, talk first with your minister, governing board, and other leaders. Hold an event about men’s issues, including a worship service focusing on men’s spirituality. Hold a potluck with a speaker or video such as A Gathering of Men, Bill Moyers’ interview with Robert Bly. Schedule and publicize a men’s meeting to talk about what kind of group to form.

There are several types of men’s groups:

• Social Group: Monthly dinners, sporting events, card-playing, hiking, camping.
• Service Group: Occasional group providing service to congregation or community.
• Discussion Group: Begins with check-in allowing personal sharing, followed by discussion of an issue relevant to men. Every two to four weeks.
• Support Group: Permits deep sharing in a trust-based environment.

There are nine men’s groups at 766-member First UU Congregation of Ann Arbor, Mich. One is an open, drop-in group that meets monthly. All of the others are closed. Bob Hospadaruk, who has helped form some of the groups, says that each year a religious education course is marketed as “a class about men’s groups.” Two men from the most recently formed men’s group facilitate the new group, using the book, A Circle of Men, as a study guide. After a few sessions the course becomes a men’s group. Eight groups have been formed in that manner, says Hospadaruk.

The congregation holds an annual men’s retreat weekend for all men of the church. The men's groups also are involved with mentoring boys in the coming of age program and they hold an annual COA “initiation into manhood” ceremony.

“The value of the men’s groups to the congregation has been in growing a community,” Hospadaruk says. A lot of men come to church just because their wives are coming. The men’s groups have increased connections between men and the congregation.”

RESOURCES

UU Men’s Network (UUMeN), P.O. Box 3070, Madison, WI 53704-0070; 800-227-6670; http://uumensnet.org; info@uumen.org. See also InterConnections for August 2000, www.uua.org/interconnections.

A Community of Men: A Guide to Men’s Programming in Unitarian Universalist Congregations, $5, by the UU Men’s Network.

A Circle of Men: The Original Manual for Men’s Support Groups, Bill Kauth. (St. Martin’s Press, 1992, $12.95).