Meeting the challenge of our stressful times

When the Rev. Laurie Bilyeu Hotchkiss of First Parish UU, Milton, MA, saw the first terrible images on the morning of Sept. 11 there was no question about what to do first. "I called the church office and had the secretary open the meetinghouse doors," she said. "People needed to see that we were open." The 242-member church remained open all that week for people to come in, light candles, meditate, and pray.

That scene was repeated across the continent as Unitarian Universalists gathered for candlelighting vigils, discussion groups, and just to be with one another. Church calendars were abandoned as ministers and lay leaders focused on ministering to members, friends, and a large number of visitors.

The initial crisis has passed, but in the weeks and months ahead there will be a continuing need to minister to each other as the U.S. engages in military action and as our friends and members confront the reality of terrorism, including fear, depression, loss, and job layoffs. And what if terrorism should return? In these situations how can we best help each other and the new people who come to our services in search of community and understanding?

Within hours of the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon many ministers and lay leaders chose to telephone their entire congregations — no small task — to check on their well-being and invite them to a service that night. Some used phone trees and e-mail. Others simply divided the phone book among volunteers. Unity Church-Unitarian, St. Paul, MN (791 members), called in five volunteers and within two hours they called 400 households. More than 350 people attended the service.

"We decided we wanted to reach out in person to every member and friend," said the Rev. Rob Eller-Isaacs, co-minister. Unity-Unitarian also organized small groups that met after the Sept. 11 service to minister to those who wanted deeper conversation, and it recruited a dozen therapists from the congregation to be available.

If another crisis should occur the following procedures may be helpful to congregations:

• Compile a list of members available at midday to make calls. Also draw up a list of counselors, lay leaders, and others who could lead small groups, and a list of news media to quickly notify about services.
• Add program changes to your phone message and Web site quickly.
• Watch the UUA-L e-mail list for the earliest information about how the UUA is responding. Subscribe at www.uua.org/lists.

• Watch for friends or members who may drop out because of depression or job loss. Bolster the caring committee for the long term.
• Initiate a plan to contact everyone in the congregation two to four times a year, just to see how they're doing.
• Be prepared to offer support groups for families of people in the military.
• Protect professional staff from being overworked.
• Form small discussion and support groups where visitors, friends, and members can connect. Consider forming more structured "covenant groups" to give people an intimate place to talk about personal issues.

"Our small groups have been a haven for folks in this time," says the Rev. Calvin Dame, UU Community Church, Augusta, ME (191). "They have immediately given people a place to connect with others with whom they've built a trusting relationship," says Dame, one of the architects of the covenant group movement within the UUA. For information on covenant groups go to Web sites for The Center for Community Values, www.the-ccv.org or the Rev. Robert Hill's Covenant Group News, www.swuuc.org.

Just as during the Vietnam and Gulf War eras, expect and honor a wide range of "patriotic diversity" within congregations, reminds the Rev. Tom Owen-Towle, co-minister at First UU, San Diego (824), where the congregation includes many military personnel. "We hope that all people can be honestly and honorably heard without being injured."

Eller-Isaacs thinks it important that Sunday morning services be moderate in terms of antiwar advocacy, noting that our congregations include people with a range of beliefs about military action. "I would not like to see anyone pushed away from our congregations because preachers or others take a vehement antiwar stance." Save the strongest antiwar language for other forums, he suggests.

Another form of stress can come on Sunday mornings, when the increase in visitors most congregations are experiencing can overwhelm hospitality teams and affect our sense of community. Have extra visitor packets and greeters on hand. Help members understand that new people can create more community, not less. Plan for more people at new UU sessions.

The increase in number of visitors is both a challenge and an opportunity. When lots of college students came to services at First Unitarian Church, Providence, RI (403), following Sept. 11, the Rev. Richelle Russell and a member, Peter Bowden, quickly formed a young adult group. "They were literally pounding on our door," Russell said. "Never in my dreams could I have imagined it." For information on starting such groups call the UUA's Young Adult and Campus Ministry office, (617) 948-4629.

Stressful times often draw people to congregations. "These are the times we've been practicing for," says Hotchkiss, at Milton. "This is the time we need to put in place all those things we say we value — a good caring committee, a real path to membership. We need to perfect what we've been practicing all along."

RESOURCES

For more information on how congregations responded to the Sept. 11 attacks, what you can do in your own community, and resources available from the UUA, see the UUA Web site, www.uua.org and the Washington office Web site at www.uua.org/uuawo.