School Partnerships

In reference to church/public-school partnerships, (InterConnections, March '99) our UU Society of Greater Springfield, MA (178 members), has been a member of such a program since 1993. We have a three-member committee that serves as a liaison between society members and the school. We provide tutors, library aides, volunteers who provide technical computer expertise and who have helped establish a school newspaper. We have helped provide and distribute holiday baskets, which include food, clothing, and toys, during Christmas. We have been able to purchase clothing for students in particular need, purchase a typewriter for the school library, and donate to field trips.

We garner support mainly through Sunday "My Turns" from the pulpit and notices in the society newsletter and Sunday orders of service. We have been able to help students develop their skills in reading and math. We have indicated to staff that we are available as a support for them in whatever way we can be useful.

But just as important, I believe, we have demonstrated to the children that there are people in the greater community who genuinely care about them and want to see them succeed. We who volunteer invest our time in the children of this school and our rewards are the smiles and the hugs and the moments when you know something has "clicked" for a particular child.

Pat Banusewicz
19 Mayfield St.
Springfield, MA 01108

Whose Rules to Use?

We are a small fellowship that is growing fairly rapidly. Our current bylaws, written in the 1980s, are being revised. They call for using Robert's Rules of Order at our congregational meetings, but very few of us know how to run a meeting that formally, and we wish to allow for building consensus rather than putting the emphasis on orderliness and efficiency.

The Congregational Handbook offers some good suggestions about this. We are wondering how to reword the bylaws so that we could use the rules offered in the Congregational Handbook instead of Robert's Rules of Order.

We also need to explain this to some long-term members who think Robert's Rules are better and more democratic. We thought that other growing UU congregations would have similar questions and concerns that you could write about in InterConnections.

Emma Stamas, President
UUF of Pottstown, PA (74)
1565 S. Keim St.
Pottstown, PA 19465

Confronting Bullies

There is a couple in our congregation who have worked very hard over the years and contributed invaluable service, for which they continue to be rightly honored. However, their behavior has the effect of alienating people to the extent that some have left the  congregation. He shouts and bangs on the table at meetings. She threatens to withhold her work or money, and sometimes does.They oppose the minister in ways that polarize the congregation. They seem perpetually angry. They have a small following but most of us, who live in the "land of nice," deplore their behavior. We don't want to start a civil war, but what can we do?

Name Withheld

InterConnections asked Anne Odin Heller, Pacific Northwest District executive and author of Churchworks: A Well-Body Book for Congregations (Skinner House, $25, #7008 UUA Bookstore (800) 215-9076), to respond. She observes that: "These are not uncommon folks in UU congregations." Here are Heller's gentle but firm suggestions about how to address the challenges they present to a congregation:

Members who threaten to withhold money or work or withdraw their membership are using blackmail. To bow to the complaints of a two-person or one-person minority is to let them drive the decisions and the agenda for the entire committee or congregation. Try saying to them, in a firm but kindly way, "Well, if you must do that, we will miss your contributions. But we wish you well."

Try having the committee develop a Covenant of Right Relationship for committee meetings. Examples are in Churchworks and in the InterConnections Resource Library on the UUA website.

If a member abuses the covenant, the other members can say: "Look, we all agreed that we would be respectful of one another. You were part of this agreement. If you cannot live with the covenant, perhaps you should leave the meeting and come back when you can live with it." If further shouting results, the committee should get up and leave.

The committee chair may wish to say privately to them that their behavior is unacceptable, and that they might need to rethink their participation in the committee if they cannot change.

These issues are all essentially boundary or control issues, says Heller. The sooner and more effectively you deal with them, the less likely they are to deepen or broaden into a real congregational conflict.

When should you ask for help? When in doubt, ask! You have important and useful resources available. Contact your district executive, who is there to help with just this kind of dilemma.

Anyone complaining about the minister should be strongly referred, first of all, to the minister, and second to his or her committee on ministry, says Heller. Tell the person, "We talk to people in this congregation, and not about them!"