Care for Disruptive People

To the editor:

The article concerning disruptive people (March/April 1998, p. 1) caused me considerable discomfort. It seemed to me that the article expressed excessive concern for the institution of the Church at the expense of the Church's responsibility to individual members. A church should, if it's not just a social club, have concern, caring, and compassion for its members. We espouse tolerance and yet too often we fall short in its expression.

For the individuals reported on in the article no mention was made, for example, in the Palo Alto Church of any attempt to guide the member to any therapy. Was a informal support group of two or three of his friends garnered to help him deal with his behavioral problem? Was concern, caring, and compassion expressed and acted upon? If yes, it should have been reported; if no, the action of the board was wrong. Similar questions could be asked about each of the cases cited.

If we cast aside — albeit by a democratic vote — members who push the envelope of tolerance, then our adherence to our religious principles is tenuous at best and gross bigoted hypocrisy at worst.

Lester Welch
Sugarloaf Congregation of UUs, Germantown, MD

Editor's Note:

The article should have noted that the practice of the ministers interviewed is to present therapy as a possible part of the remedy in overcoming behavioral problems. The Rev. Carolyn Owen-Towle, one of those quoted, explains: "Whenever the church sets limits with disruptive people it is after all ministerial avenues, including referral for psychological services, have been exhausted."

Beyond Fear of Money

To the editor:

You asked about how we try to get beyond the fear and loathing of money talk (March/April 1998, p. 4). This year I held a one-evening workshop that examined our first experience with money, our worst experience with money, and our best experience with money and what each told us about life and money. We discovered that we create money's meaning. We shared stories with one another in a non judgmental atmosphere. I then created a worship service one week before pledge Sunday with three people sharing their stories.

The Rev. Catharine Harris
UU Fellowship of Boulder, CO

To the editor:

In the article, "Dreams and Spirit to Build Canvass Results," (March/April 1998, p.1) I agree that asking people to give toward a vision is a good idea. However, this column may have done more harm than good.

First, using an average pledge to measure canvass results is misleading, as a few high pledges offset many low ones. Also, most congregations do not include non-pledging families in their calculations. And, the average pledge conveys the mistaken idea that people in the pews all give about the same amount.

A far better approach is to calculate the median. This "half above, half below" figure more accurately assesses congregational giving. I suspect that in most UU congregations, the median is $500 or less, including non-pledging families. That means the majority of UU's give $10 per week or less to their churches.

That's my final point. The article implies that annual gifts of $686, $850, and even $1,000 are acceptable rather than figures we should be ashamed of.

The reason churches continually struggle with the canvass is that UU's are not generous people, either to their churches or other causes. Of course there are exceptions, but as a whole, we are cheap. Until we recognize and admit that fact, theme dinners, witty songs, skits, and other gimmicks are stopgap measures. They will not change the way we under-fund our churches, underpay our clergy and music directors, and under-fund the UUA.

Michael Durall, Publisher
Charitable Giving Newsletter
21 Garfield Road
Belmont, MA 02178

Help For the Heart

To the editor:

In my opinion, UU church members can be loosely placed into two general camps; those who are "heart" driven (spiritual-based) and those who are "head" driven (intellect-based). Our UU church, with about 150 members, has many intellect-based activities such as the Sunday morning adult discussion group and the monthly book discussion group. We have few "heart" based activities. The church choir is one but it serves only those who have the courage to sing.

So I ask your readers — what regular UU church activity can we schedule that will satisfy the needs of the heart? It must focus on the here and now of relationships and not on all that abstract mental stuff that we UU people are so good at. It should quiet the reactive mind and hopefully leave us feeling connected to the magic and mystery that is life. I am looking forward to building some activity at our church that will "recharge our battery" and leave us more willing to be in love with life. I can be reached at P.O. Box 891, Guntersville, AL 35976 or at 256-891-4442.

Bill Savoie

Clarification

On page two of the May/June issue of InterConnections there is a quote mis-attributed to Marianne Williamson. The passage is in fact part of the 1994 inaugural speech given by Nelson Mandela, president of the Republic of South Africa.

Maria O'Connor, Director of Religious Education
UU Church West, Brookfield, WI

Editor's Note:

The quote has been widely attributed to Mandela, but it originated with Marianne Williamson, author and lecturer in the field of spirituality. The quote is from her book, A Return to Love, published in 1992.