Who are families today?
Types of families; myths about families; needs of families
The unique multigenerational setting of a church
Churches are the only institution in our culture or society where people of all ages can come together to engage in a broad variety of activities, including worship, learning, mentoring, celebrating and mourning, and eating.
Opportunities for faith communities to build relationships across ages:
- Weekly classes – open up RE classes to people of all ages or to family groups to learn together
- Workshop or special event – be sure to make any special event or workshop at the church inclusive of all ages and for family groups
- Worship services – add elements to interest young people; keep components brief; look for opportunities to add additional worship services for families
- Worship-education programs – create special events that combine a family worship with learning
- All-congregation camp or retreat – plan annual multigenerational weekends where families can learn and/or have fun with everyone in the congregation
- Covenant groups – consider including teenagers in your small group ministries, or create family covenant groups
Resources for all the above ideas can be found in UU curricula such as Holidays and Holydays, Timeless Themes, Travel in Time, and others. Social justice projects in your community are also excellent community builders for families, allowing people of all ages to work together to live out our values. Service to your congregation is another idea for bringing the generations.
Additional websites: www.1800volunteer.org 
and www.volunteermatch.org are good places to check out.
Worship Ideas
Intergenerational Choir – A choir consisting of people ranging in ages from 4 years to 80 years
Saturday Services – Our Saturday congregation includes the children in the beginning of the service each week.
Meetinghouse Sundays – Our Sunday congregations include the children in worship for the beginning of the service once per month (due largely to space limitations)
4 Services for All Ages – We have recently begun to hold four services each year that are intergenerational including ages 4 and up
Social
Trees for Tomorrow Ski Weekend - A popular weekend get-away for the Madison community. We stay at a Nature/Education center which provides simple lodgings, hearty food, and a beautiful setting in northern Wisconsin . The weekend is filled with cross-country skiing, fellowship, and fun the whole family.
Holiday Decorating Party – Each December our community gathers to make decorations for the Society Christmas Tree.
COA Pancake Breakfast - Our Coming of Age class holds a pancake breakfast each year that is attended by aprroximately150-200 members of the congregation.
Educational
Unitarian Universalist Spiritual Enrichment: A 2 Year Quest – This is our new two-year program that is open to anyone over the age of 18. Current age range is 30-75 years.
NEW INITIATIVE -Children's RE and Adult Ed – These two communities have set a goal for the coming year of creating intergenerational education opportunities. The current idea is to create an event, centering on a single topic that can be presented to all ages in separate and combined groups.
Social Justice/Service
Teen Performing Arts Fundraiser – Each winter our teens put on an event of amazing talent -- music, drama, dance, and raise approximately $500 for a local charitable organization.
Memorial Walk/Plantings – We are in the process of creating a memorial walk which would involve a great deal of upkeep. The planning group is creating a task force that will include people of all ages. Opportunities about here to learn about congregational history and issues of death, dying and remembrance.
Annual Service Auction – This is our annual fundraising event that includes activities and entertainment for all ages, deliberate inclusion of service items for families (events, weekends, lessons, etc)
NEW INITIATIVE (Social Justice and RE Councils) – Create congregational family-friendly social justice activities with supporting materials for parents to use before and after the actual event (include conversation points to help parents put the activity in context).
Question: Someone from the Berkeley, CA, congregation reported that they are a regional church and families come from all over, often an hour or more away; it's hard to get families to stay. What's the solution?
Response: Try to cluster activities for all ages at one or two days of the week, so people can come and bring their families, perhaps on Saturday, in the late afternoon, have an informal worship service.
Question: Someone from the St. Louis church pointed out that there is a perceived bias against "disruptive" kids in church, and asked how we communicate that? Also, there may be really significant needs of the elderly that may not be voiced; how can we recognize that and include them.
Response: It's very common to have an anti-kids bias. To counter that, it's important to create a culture where people understand that kids in the church are everybody's responsibility. If a child is misbehaving, everybody should feel that they have to right to say something to them.
Someone from the Chapel Hill, NC, Community Church said that a good resource book is Gil Wendell's Intergenerational Church. Many people coming to church for intergenerational relationships have no skills. Also, there's a generation coming back (from the 50s) that have needs, and often the two don't mesh.
Question: Some people feel that having children participating in the church service is "parading" them and not really for their benefit. Is this so?
Response: The congregation needs to make sure that everything in worship is there for the purpose of worship. Parents have expressed during the story time that this was the one time a month when their kids could sit with them, and have their questions be answered. Another person reported that their congregation stopped having kids come up (but still kept the kids choir).
Someone from St. John's Church in Cinncinati, OH, reported that they have a lot of gay couples, and others with no children, and they're not really interested in inter-generational interactions.
Someone from Hillsborough, OR, said, "I have an autistic grandson, and at a church camp, we discovered four other kids who were autistic. We need to be a lot less judgmental about parents, and be understanding about kids with special needs. There is a very good book from Sally Patton, entitled Kids with Special Needs."
Davenport reported that the Unitarian Church of Evanston, IL , has a variety of opportunities for youth to be involved so they don't just come in once a month. Sue Sinnamon, the Director of Religious Education in Evanston, has an education hour for all ages, then a worship service that kids sit through a lot. Sinnamon has noticed that in families with only one child, the kids often want to stay during the service and not go to RE classes (they're more comfortable with adults). She suggested art projects for young and old together, led by professional artists (not just coloring book).
Someone from the Fort Worth church reported that they have young adults who like to plan "Soulful Sundown" services. Last year kids wanted to plan a "Soulful Sunrise" service as well. Adults were first skeptical, but they came and they loved it.
Someone from the First UU of Rochester, NY, suggested that congregations vary the youth cut-off ages by event, and be very clear in what services are appropriate for what ages; if you can make it friendly for kids, do so but be clear if you can't.
Question: How do you educate kids to be respectful?
Response: It takes a lot of continuity and education; some families come from traditions where the kids stay with them during the whole services, and other families react negatively to that. Some families don't want to send their kids to RE.
Some suggestions were to have activity bags for young kids in services, with coloring books, silly putty, and slinkies. There is a UU coloring book, My UU ABCs: Info and Fun for Kids of All Ages, by William Cleary.
Question: How can churches meet needs of elderly members?
Response: Davenport suggested that the "Family Matters Task Force" of the UUA has put out materials. From Age-ing to Sage-ing is a curriculum that is now available at the UUA Bookstore.
Younger people don't realize that a crying baby makes it very hard for older people to hear if they have a hearing impairment. Listening devices for hearing impaired can help.
One participant commented that they offer many adult enrichment programs during the week since they have many retired people. Someone from the Fairhaven, MA, UU Church said that they put together a curriculum called "Kinder/Elder Friends" (for information, contact Lisa Elliott at lelliott@uufairhaven.org 
).
