2101 My Youth Group, My Family

Speakers: Erin Dunn, Rev. Pat Hoertdoerfer

Prepared for UUA.org by: Dan Harper, Reporter; Jone Johnson Lewis, Editor

"I've noticed as a Unitarian Universalist that our communities become more like families," said Erin Dunn, a youth member of the Family Matters Task Force of the Unitarian Universalist Association. The Rev. Pat Hoertdoerfer pointed out that the dictionary has a number of definitions of "family," including "persons related by blood," and "a group of things with common characteristics." Dunn and Hoertdoerfer offered this workshop titled "My Youth Group, My Family" in conjunction with the General Assembly Youth Caucus. The workshop was co-sponsored by the Family Matters Task Force.

But can a youth group within a Unitarian Universalist congregation feel like a family? Dunn and Hoertdoerfer invited participants in this workshop to explore that question with them.

"Family has many different meanings," said Dunn. We all know a family can have children along with two mothers, or two fathers, or a mother and a father. But other organizations can also feel like a family—youth groups, drama clubs, and so on. "One thing we all know," said Dunn, "is family means love."

To help the participants in this workshop understand what it means to be a part of a family, Dunn led a guided meditation. She asked participants to "put yourself back in the past," imagining that you are a family gathering. "In your imagination, go up to one of your family members and ask them what family means." Then Dunn invited participants to reflect on what makes their own family special.

After the guided meditation was over, Dunn invited participants to write what makes their families special, and then share their reflections with one other person. There was lively conversation for about ten minutes as participants talked in pairs.

Hoertdoerfer then asked participants to discuss what family values they found through this exercise. One participant said that her family had a saying, "Always know that I love you," that represented a family value of caring for each other even in times of conflict. Another participant reflected that family is the people we can trust, and feel safe with. This was echoed by another participant who said that family does not have to be limited to just someone's biological family.

One participant distinguished between biological family and youth group, saying "Your family is there for guidance, but the youth group is there for support." Hoertdoerfer then asked participants to reflect on what can make a youth group work feel like good, supportive family. Participants suggested that youth groups should care for one another, work on projects together, and not developing bonds that are "too tight" such that newcomers were not welcomed.

Dunn and Hoertdoerfer asked participants to name values make a youth group feel like a family. Participants named values like acceptance, liking each other, trust, humor, building connections, helping others in the congregation, and fun. One participant pointed out that a youth group can offer "respite" from a stressful family situation. Another participant said, "I like it when people listen well. And I like it when people stay at the table, because conflict is going to happen."

Finally, Dunn and Hoertdoerfer pointed out that leadership, by both youth and adults, is required to make a youth group feel like a family. They recommended that those attending General Assembly were already leaders, and could go back to their congregational youth groups and lead those groups towards incorporating Unitarian Universalist family values.

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