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Hillary Goodridge
Rev. Keith Kron
Rev. Don Southworth
Rev. Melanie Sullivan
Janet Hayes
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2027 Theme 1: Letting Our Light Shine
Same-Sex Marriage: Finding Our Public Voice
Strategic Message Tips for Marriage Equality (handout)
View Part 1 of this event 
View Part 2 of this event
Panelists:
Hillary Goodridge, co-lead plaintiff in Massachusetts Supreme Court case to legalize same-sex marriage
Rev. Keith Kron, Director of the UUA Office of Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender Concerns
Rev. Don Southworth, UU minister Northwest Unitarian Universalist Congregation, Atlanta, GA
Rev. Melanie Sullivan, UU minister in Cherry Hill, NJ
Janet Hayes, UUA Public Information Office, member of the UUA Public Witness Team
Rev. Melanie Sullivan
She talked of her difficult decision to not sign marriage licenses until there could be legal same-sex marriages and what considerations she had to take into account as to how it would affect her church. Her main concern was not to make problems for heterosexual couples who wanted to get married in her church as there was a worry the church would lose rental income from heterosexual couples refusing to use the church's facilities. But her board of directors supported her decision. Then three non-UU colleagues from nearby churches agreed to sign licenses for her.
The response was incredible: the switchboard was clogged with affirming calls, and positive emails were plentiful. There were lots of requests for interviews; and requests for traditional male/female weddings went up. Because of the media attention and the apparent respect for the decision, the whole undertaking has actually increased building rentals.
Rev. Don Southworth
He told of his experience in Atlanta; when he gave a sermon in favor of same-sex marriage, he had no idea how his congregation would react. Much to his surprise, he received a standing ovation. After he forwarded the sermon to a friend, it got into the Atlanta Journal Constitution. “Jesus didn't say anything about homosexuality, and that's good enough for me.” That line from his sermon became the tag line that the newspaper highlighted.
He also has been active in an interfaith clergy group in Atlanta. This has been an amazingly positive experience. Again, requests for heterosexual weddings have gone through the roof.
Hillary Goodridge
She told of her journey through her ground-breaking marriage to her partner Julie. The attorney who they had been working with had spent years working on this project. When they asked her if she and Julie wanted to be lead plaintiffs in the case, they agreed, with no knowledge of what that meant.
The 7 couples in the Massachusetts case had a retreat over one weekend, for training in how to handle the media. They were told not to mention it to the media so as not to alert the other side. Hillary talked about the importance of staying on message, how you need “your gold, silver, and bronze messages.” They practiced their messages a lot in front of video cameras.
Other advice she offered:
- Never talk to a reporter when you're unprepared; always get a number and what their deadline is, call your media person first for advice, then call them back when you're ready.
- When reporters ask ridiculous questions, you don't have to answer them; what can they do? They can't quote you if you haven't said anything.
- A lot of straight people have their only image of gays via the Gay Pride Parade clips on TV. A comparable analogy would be if they only showed heterosexuals via their hysterical reactions to the Super Bowl game.
- No matter how much a reporter tempts you with going off-message, don't do it.
- The other thing that's hard is not to be flippant when they ask you stupid questions. Nor should you tell jokes. Jokes don't work well on TV. Also, never lie, and smile a lot.
- It's all about re-educating people into “Gay 101” all over again. The patience that's required for this is incredible. Personal stories are what work the best; it humanizes the movement, as opposed to the Gay Pride photos.
- On radio or TV, most shows are taped: “If you mess up, just use the F-word, and they won't be able to use it what you said.”
- Also, on the air, don't lose your temper; it looks really bad; there are other ways to do it. Keep your dignity, just say a few words, say them well, and sit down.
- Smear tactics: Don't respond; they will often backfire.
Janet Hayes
Strategic Message Tips for Marriage Equality (handout)
On the importance of getting your message out: If it's not public, and it's not witnessed, it's not public witness! She focused on the public message, how you address the world.
- You need to focus on shared American values: “Cover up your tattoo with a nice navy blazer.”
- Remember your audience.
- Frame your arguments in terms of the Constitution. Don't talk about whether, for example, “marriage as an institution should be eliminated,” or “Should marriage involve more than 2 people,” but rather, honor the institution.
- The focus needs to be on real people – on the opportunities missed, on the price paid by discrimination – and the pure ordinariness needs to be shown as well. These are not extraordinary people, not 1 in a million but maybe 5 or 10 in a hundred.
- Rope off the slippery slope. In other words, don't go to where a reporter wants you to go.
For work at the national level:
- Advice to same-sex couples contemplating legal action: Don't litigate; there are 50 states with all kind of permutations of laws; it's like a house of cards; a bad law suit could imperil things.
- The best thing you can do is “bear moral witness,” live an honorable life, day by day, and hold it up as an example.
Reported for the web by Allan Stern; edited by Joyce Holmen; photos by Allan Stern
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