Rev.
Keith Kron, UUA Office of Bisexual, Gay,
Lesbian and Transgender Concerns
"What are the qualities of being a good ally?" Rev. Keith Kron asked a group of about 60 UUs Friday evening. We came up with many answers, after brainstorming in small groups. Acceptance, listening, passion, empathy, persistence, support, paying attention, frank, honest feedback, assertiveness, willingness to learn and education oneself, believing what you are hearing, caring, being non-judgmental, clarity about yourself and your identity, willingness to stretch your comfort zone, allowing others to name themselves, and shared values.
In small groups, we discussed a series of questions posed by Rev. Kron, and shared some of our answers with the larger group. "What are the roadblocks that keep your good intentions from becoming actions?" was another question. Fear of hurting the person you are allying yourself with, lack of awareness, lack of time, fear of rejection, lack of trust on the part of the person you are trying to be an ally to, memory of past situations, discomfort, procrastination, feeling overextended, not feeling that you have the energy or responses to be a good ally, not knowing where you stand, not wanting to make waves, rejection, lack of confidence, fear of getting in too deep, and not knowing how much to help were among the many answers.
Next, we talked about what makes use feel numb: fear of unsafety, lack of physical or spiritual resources, being overwhelmed and desensitized, being immobilized by anger, violent physical competition, not being respected, total frustration, being objectified, shame, sameness, hopelessness, and exhaustion. On the other hand, facing the anxiety, the support of a religious community, understanding, acceptance, connection, belief in yourself, willingness to make a mistake, and willingness to change your priorities are all solutions to numbness---ways to feel more engaged and active.
Why are these important questions to ask as part of anti-oppression work? "If you are not in touch with your own pain, you can't get in touch with someone else's, or you might assume that your pain is theirs," says Rev. Kron. Silence, violence, shame, intimidation, stereotyping, lack of control, addiction, ignorance, poverty, objectification, entrenched belief systems, greed, and lies all contribute to oppression.
We ended the workshop with a series of real cases to consider, all of which
call for thinking about how to best be an ally of those you are oppressed. The
cases will be on the UUA Web site for the
Office of Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian and Transgender Concerns.
Questions for small groups:
- Who has been a good ally to you?
- Who have you been a good ally to?
- How could you have been a better ally?
- What are the roadblocks that keep your good intentions from becoming actions?
- What makes you go numb in life?
- What needs to happen for you to be more engaged and active in life and in the life around you? (And what of that do you have control over?)
Reported for the Web by Margy Levine Young; photo by Holly Hendricks
General Assembly 2001 · Program Grid
