Written with appreciation for the inspiration and encouragement provided by members of the Valuing Families working group: Ruth Boyd, Mary Fischer, Carrie Kotonias-Payne, and Lynne Weygint

An Introduction to UU FAMILY VALUES:

THEME

In the last decades of the twentieth century, members of the conservative religious Right claimed they, in implied contrast to “liberals,” were the keepers of “family values.” Unitarian Universalists, being among those “liberals,” were certainly thought by members of the religious Right to be undermining “family values” by affirming many different kinds of families and by choosing not to teach the Bible as absolutely true. But we cannot allow the religious right to dictate what “family values” are. In fact, Unitarian Universalists hold religious family values, too. You can find them written clearly in our Principles.

We value each member of a family as a person of inherent worth and dignity, and believe that family members should therefore act with,

• kindness,
• honesty and integrity,
• respectful listening,
• gratitude, and
• love.

We further believe in the interdependence of all things, and believe that families should promote

a sense of belonging,
§ reverence for the world around us, and
§ an appreciation of the interconnectedness of the members of our families.

This curriculum is designed to encourage and support these values among the families in our congregation.

GOALS

The primary goals of our spring sessions are the continued deepening of a UU identity, the enjoyment of time spent as part of our church community, and the development of inter-age friendships and mentorships.
In this curriculum, we also hope to clarify what UU family values are and support their use among families in our congregation.

SESSION FORMAT

This curriculum is designed for use with kindergarten through seventh graders in interest-based, mixed-age groups. Most of the “idea” for each session will be presented in an opening worship service. The exploration of the idea will take place in individual classes using the children’s chosen activities. The usual morning schedule is as follows:

1. Shared Opening Worship
2. Game
3. Introductions and Check-In
4. Main Project/ Activity and Discussion
5. In-class Closing Circle
6. Snack
7. Family Handout

Session 1: Valuing Our Family Members

Who is in my family?
What do they like?
What is important to each of them?
What do we enjoy together?

PREPARATION
1. Read the background material for teaching and for your specific activity.
2. Prepare a welcoming letter and deliver it to the church by the Tuesday before your first Sunday so copies can be sent to your class members.
3. Prepare the background for your bulletin board or boards.
4. Read the entire session plan. Make sure you have all of the needed materials for your group’s plan by obtaining them or requesting them by Wednesday afternoon. If you purchase supplies, please bring the receipts on Sunday to request reimbursement.
5. Make name tags for everyone on your class list. Prepare extra blank name tags for newcomers.
6. Be conscious of who the sixth and seventh graders in your group are. Encourage them to take leadership during this term—leading a game, helping with the supplies, working with younger kids, etc. For this week, perhaps one or two of them would be willing to lead the opening game or help with distributing name tags.
7. Choose an extra game from the games section to use if you have extra time. Make sure you have the needed supplies for it.
8. Find a pretty cloth to place under the chalice for the closing circle.
9. When you arrive on Sunday, set up your classroom for the game; set out any materials you have for your class’ main activity.

SESSION PLAN

Opening Worship: Worship will always include a time for singing, a time for sharing joys and sorrows, and a story. You will find a brief description of the story in each week’s session plan. This week the story will be “All Kinds of Families” by Norma Simon (excerpts).

“Families are people who share their lives and their stories, who love and support one another.”

Welcome: Encourage people to claim their name tag as they enter the room. Then gather everyone into a circle. Welcome everyone to the new term. Introduce yourself and your co-teacher(s). Tell the children that you will be learning about UU Family Values this term?about how we can live well together with our families.

Game (time permitting): “I Like People Who...” (Circle Game)

Introductions: Invite the children to introduce themselves by saying their name and one thing they enjoy doing with their family. They can show their pictures if they brought them. Collect the photos for posting on your bulletin board with the kids’ names.

Main activity: Mention the guiding questions from the beginning of this session. Explain that you will be exploring these questions this morning. Then begin your activity from the list below. It is always fine to use another group’s activity along with your own!

Crafts: You will be making mobiles. You will need wire*, poster board or precut poster-board shapes, scissors, magazines with pictures to illustrate loved things or activities, wire cutters, needle-nose pliers (at least two or three pairs), and thread or fishing line. The kids will make mobiles of their families, with each member represented by a single piece of wire (arm) for him or herself. A picture or drawing of each person will be glued to a poster-board shape and that piece of poster board will be hung from one piece of the thread or fishing line. Then, poster-board-mounted pictures of one or more things that person loves will be strung together and hung from another piece of thread or fishing line. When you are finishing the mobile, the two pieces of thread or fishing line representing each person and their loved items will be hung from the loops at either end of the wire (or arm) so that they balance each other.

Use the backs of the shapes, too. This week, focus attention on creating the individual arms representing individual family members. You will be completing them and putting the mobile together next week. Encourage the kids to think about who is part of their family. They might include pets, family friends who seem like part of the family, etc., if time allows! Invite them to bring photos of family members next week if the kids don’t want to draw them. Note: Siblings can work together or separately, whichever they choose.

*Technical details: Use heavy-gauge wire—10-, 12-, or even 14-gauge craft wire should do it. Or, you can cut the straight bottoms from wire coat hangers. You will need good wire cutters to cut the pieces, but they will be very durable. Use sturdy needle-nose pliers to make a loop at each end of the wire pieces. If you have mostly younger children, you may want to make the end loops in a bunch of wires before class time, or you may want to use sticks or branches with a slight bend in them (straight sticks are hard to balance) instead of wires.

Cooking: Invite the kids to list all the members of their family, and their favorite foods. Are there some shared favorites? Have the kids share which recipes they brought, if any. Explain that this term you will be making many family-favorite foods together, and thinking about ways that these foods are important to your family. Share some of the family favorites and write them up on newsprint. Encourage the kids to write a brief commentary for their family favorites if time allows. For example: “Applesauce Cake. On Saturday mornings, we love to eat this straight out of the oven with spiced tea. Lisa and Tom dip it in the tea, but they don’t drink the crumbs that settle to the bottom. We all wash our own cups!”

Cook a simple favorite food or two from your own families, focusing upon foods that require lots of tasks to be done simultaneously, such as fruit salad, applesauce, or punch. Or choose foods that consist of individual portions that can be designed by a single child like sandwiches or sundaes.

Note: If your recipe is for an item that requires baking, you may want to move the cooking to the very beginning, and do the introducing, game-playing, and talking while the item bakes.

Drama: In advance: make up cards that say “mom,” “dad,” “stepmom,” “stepdad,” “cat,” “dog,” “bird,” “girl,” and “boy,” and numbers 0 to 20 in large writing. Make at least two or three of each, and have extra cards for additions. Make a tableau of each child’s family. Have the kids think of something that each member of their family enjoys, and something that the whole family or each sub-family loves to do together. Then the kids can direct their own family or families. Start by having the kids select the appropriate cards, e.g. “mom,” “dad,” “stepmom,” or, “girl, 10”; “boy, 3”; boy, 1”; and “cat”. Then recruit some actors to act out each character doing a favorite thing. Encourage everyone to guess what the activity is and which family member is doing it. Don’t identify the characters until everyone has finished acting out the individual roles. Then have everyone identify the individuals. Finally, have actors portray the whole family or sub-family doing activities and have everyone guess what the activities are. In the case of families where there has been a divorce, have family groups consist of the kids, one parent, and his/her partner (if there is one), as well as the kids, their other parent, and his/her partner (if there is one). Note: If there are siblings in your group, encourage them to work together, but don’t force the issue. If they would prefer to work on their own, that is fine too!

Outdoors: Explain that you will be taking a walk and that you will be walking in silence and in single file. Tell the kids that during the walk, you would like them to think about the members of their family and to make lists about them. Make sure that the kids who want to bring paper and pencils for making the lists have time to get these items before they leave. Be sure the kids are appropriately dressed. Plan to lead the walk with one teacher at the front of the line and one at the end. When you are ready to leave, ask the kids to think about the members of their family and to list them on a piece of paper. Next, invite the kids to think about what each family member would like best of all the things they see on their walk. Explain to the kids that they should write those things down or remember them until they get back inside. If the kids find this confusing, explain that favored things can be anything from a certain kind of weather, to an activity, an object, or a place.

After the walk, come back inside for hot cocoa (prepare with an electric tea kettle), and either share your discoveries or, even better, depending on your group’s energy, spend a few minutes writing tiny (index-card-size) gift cards for family members, e.g. “Today I saw ____ and I thought of you because _____.” Encourage the children to decorate the items they wrote down for each family member with a simple line drawing either beside the item or, if they fold the card, on the outside panel.

Writing: Distribute pencils, notebooks, and manila envelopes to the children. Ask that they write their name on their notebook and envelope and explain that anything they write will be their own and that you will invite them to share but that they don’t have to. Tell the kids that next they will write name poems about each family member. Explain that they begin by writing their family member’s first name or family title (i.e., “mom”) with one letter under the other to make a vertical row. Then ask them to use the first letter on each line to write a line of the name poem until they have used all the letters. Encourage them to use sentences or words that express who the person is and what he or she loves. Provide several thesauruses. If some of the children finish early, let them know that they can work on a poem for their whole family using their last name or names.

When everyone is finished, encourage the kids to share if they are willing. Explain the sharing rules: “Do not make comments on each others’ writing, but listen with full attention and without interrupting.” After everyone who wants to has shared, invite the kids to discuss ideas, if they would like to. After the sharing, have the children place their notebooks and pencils in the envelopes and leave them with you.

Clean-up and Closing: Try to leave enough time at the end of the class for the group to clean up
together—this not only saves you some work, but encourages our kids to become good
community members! When the room is clean, gather in a circle, place your chalice on a nice cloth in the center, and light it. Say something about the week and the topic, for example: “We light this chalice in honor of our new learning community, and in honor of each of our unique families.” Explain that each week they will have an opportunity to share something they didn’t like and something they especially liked with the group, and to place a river stone near the chalice.

Anyone who chooses can pass on participating in one or both parts. Pass the basket of objects (river stones, for instance), and begin by modeling the activity yourself. Say, for example, “I didn’t like the rain, which kept us from going outside. I especially liked meeting all of you for the first time.” Then place your object near the chalice. When everyone is finished, explain that each of you will take home the things you worked on in church school. Then, explain the task for the week. Say, for example, “This week, be detectives! Try to discover something that each member of your family enjoys that you DIDN’T know about before.” Invite questions about the task, then conclude by saying something like: “May the light of this chalice remain in our hearts until we meet again,” and blow out the chalice.
Snack time: Distribute the snack to the children. Enjoy it together! Collect their name tags for safekeeping before they go. Distribute family handouts.

Session 2: Valuing Family Identity

What is passed down in your family—which activities, traditions, holidays?
How can you tell you are with your own family?
What makes your family unique?

PREPARATION

1. Read the entire session plan. Make sure you have all the needed materials for your group’s plan by obtaining them or requesting them by Wednesday afternoon.
2. Make sure you have a name tag for everyone on your (evolving!) class list and extra blank name tags for newcomers.
3. Be conscious of who the sixth and seventh graders in your group are. How could they help with the leadership this week? Call in advance!
4. Choose an extra game from the games section to use if you have extra time. Make sure you have the supplies you need for it.
5. Make sure you have a pretty cloth to place under the chalice for the closing circle. This can be the same every week, or it can change.

SESSION PLAN

Opening Worship: (in the Community Center)
Story: “Moving Mountains” by Gretchen Thompson

“A family learns to be reflective by carrying a pebble over a stream and this custom is passed through generations. In time, they move a mountain.”

Welcome: Welcome the kids, pass out name tags and re-introduce yourself. Say that you will be thinking about family identity this week, and share some of the guiding questions from above.

Game: Choose a game from the games appendix to share this week. I would recommend “I like people who come from families that ...,” which asks the kids to identify themselves using bits of information about their families (i.e., …have moved more than once, … have five people , … ski together, etc.), but use any game you like!

Introductions: Gather the kids in a circle and ask that they introduce themselves by telling one thing that makes their family unique. If time permits, have everyone repeat the name and unique attribute of each person mentioned before, so the list gets longer and longer as they go. Help the kids who need help BEFORE they get embarrassed! (Cover name tags or not, as you see fit!) Mention last week’s home task—that they try to learn something new that each member of their family loves. Mention something that you learned. Ask if anyone did the task, and if anyone would like to share. Be especially appreciative if anyone did—doing church-school homework isn’t required, but it DOES enrich the church-school experience a lot! Encourage kids, especially those who didn’t do the task, to think about it in the coming week.

Main Activity: Consult the list below for your group’s plan. Don’t hesitate to supplement with another group’s activity if you would like to!

Crafts: Continue the mobile project from last week. Connect up family members by crossing all the wires (or branches) that represent individuals in the family (and the things they like) in the center. Tie them firmly together using fishing line or finer-gauge (#20 or #22) craft wire. You can use this same line or wire to hang the finished mobile. If any arm fails to balance, simply lengthen the thread or fishing wire on the shorter side until it is even with the longer side.

Cooking: Talk about how choosing different foods to eat is one way in which each family is unique, and mention that types of foods and times for serving them are often passed down in families. Make several newsprint sheets and have the kids share the following:

• What does your family serve you when you are sick?
• What does your family eat for breakfast on weekends or holidays?
• What does your family eat when you need something in a hurry? What are your family’s favorite picnic foods and lunch-box foods? What is your family’s favorite cold food?
• What is the weirdest food/food combination your family likes?
• What are your family’s comfort foods?

You’ll use these lists as resources for your class later on. Choose a couple of favorite foods from your class list from last week and prepare them. Encourage the contributors to share the story of how the food is used in their family. If the food requires time to bake time, plan to cook first and talk later!

Drama: Ask the kids to reflect upon their families and choose something that they do—like a family tradition—that is quirky or interesting and different. Write them down, and be sure to help the non-writers! Gather groups to act out families doing these things. Ask the kids to guess whose family does that! If there is extra time, dramatize the story from the worship circle or do some of the drama exercises from the appendix.

Outdoors: Using kite kits, have the kids create family kites showing members of their family or things their family loves. If weather permits, go outside and fly them. Alternately, or in addition, go outside and invite the kids to gather enough pebbles to make a small cairn. How long does it take? Ask the kids if they think family traditions are enduring, the way a small stone monument (cairn) is? Are there any practices in their families that they can trace to previous generations?

Writing: Distribute writing materials and the kids’ manila envelopes, then encourage them to complete this sentence once, twice or several times: “You could tell you were with my family if…” Be sure to remind them to accentuate the quirky, positive aspects of their family life! In addition, if they didn’t write family name poems last week, they could do that now, using the family last name(s) to try to convey something of their family’s identity. Encourage the kids to share their work if they are willing. Affirm all of their different families. Collect the envelopes and keep them for next week.

Clean-up and Closing:
Once again you should try to leave enough time at the end of the class for the group to clean up together—both because it makes things easier for you and because it’s a good lesson for them. When the room is clean, gather in a circle, place your chalice cloth and chalice in the center, and light it. Say something about the week and the topic like: “We light this chalice in honor of each of our unique families.” Remind them that this is the time they have an opportunity to share something they didn’t like and something they especially liked with the group, and to place a river stone near the chalice.

Remind them also that anyone who chooses to can pass on one or both parts. Pass the basket of objects, and begin by modeling the activity yourself, e.g., “I didn’t like the rain, which kept us from going outside. I especially liked meeting all of you for the first time.”—then place your object near the chalice. When everyone is finished, remind the kids that they get to take home the things they worked on in church school. The task for the week will be to note family traditions. Say, for example, “Pay attention to the things that your family does this week. Are there things that you do the same way every time? Do you have a ritual for bedtime, for dinner conversation, for saying good-bye? Where did it come from? Ask, if you don’t know!” Invite questions about the task, then conclude by saying something like: “May the light of this chalice remain in our hearts until we meet again” and blow out the chalice.

Snack time: Distribute the snack to the children. Enjoy it together! Collect their name
tags for safekeeping before they go. Distribute family handouts.

UU Family Values

Week 1: Valuing our Family Members
Family Handout

This week the Sunday School is beginning a new curriculum that explores what UU family values are and how we can express them in our own families. Each week, we will give the kids individual home tasks that will enrich their Sunday morning religious education experience and, more importantly, their family life. Please don’t take over responsibility for your child(ren)’s completion of these tasks, but DO try them yourself at the same time. We will also send home a task for the whole family to try together each week. These tasks are simple but transformative things that you can do as a family. The handout will include tips and resources for exploring the suggested family task. We hope that you will enjoy these explorations and that they will strengthen your family. Please don’t hesitate to call the religious educator if you have questions or concerns about any aspect of this program. Thank you!

Week 1: Individual Task: BE A DETECTIVE
Try to discover something that each family member enjoys that you didn’t know about before.

Week l: Family Task: FAMILY CHECK-IN
Try to create a family check-in time at the end of each day. Gather as many family
members as possible and take a moment at the dinner table or just before bedtime to have each person share one thing he or she enjoyed about the day. It is important that adults participate, too. If you like, augment the ritual by lighting candles for each thing. Additional ideas:

• If you have time, you can make this a two-part check-in and include something unpleasant about the day as well as something good. If you do this, ask that the positive thing be mentioned last!
• If you chose to light candles, you can make a ritual of blowing them out together and perhaps you can end with a prayer. Write your own, or say something simple like: “We are grateful for the wonderful things that have filled this day, and hopeful that we will discover new blessings when a new day comes.”
• The book Seven Times the Sun by Shea Darian has wonderful mealtime rituals you might like to try, especially with younger children.
• Dinnertime is also a wonderful time to offer a song or prayer. Use one from your own childhood, or try one of these:

  For food that stays our hunger,
  For rest that brings us ease,
  For homes where memories linger,
  We give our thanks for these.
  Leonard Hunting

  God, we thank you for this food, for rest and home and all things good, for wind and rain and sun above, but most of all for those we love.
  Source Unknown
  

UU Family Values
Week 2: Valuing Family Identity
Family Handout

The Sunday School is currently working on a new curriculum that explores UU family values. Each week, the kids receive individual home tasks that will enrich their Sunday morning religious education experience and, more important, their family life. Please don’t take over responsibility for your child(ren)’s completion of these tasks, but DO try them yourself at the same time. A simple task for the whole family to try together will be available on this weekly handout, along with tips and resources for trying it. We hope that you will enjoy these explorations and that they will strengthen your family. Please don’t hesitate to call the religious educator if you have questions or concerns about any aspect of this program. Thank you!

Week 2: Individual Task: NOTE FAMILY TRADITIONS
Pay attention to the things that your family does this week. Are there things that you do the same way every time? Do you have a ritual for bedtime, for dinner conversation, for saying good-bye? Where did it come from? Ask if you don’t know!

Week 2: Family Task: IDENTIFY YOUR FAMILY
Consider together what makes your family unique. Do you have family rituals? traditions? jokes? Talk about some of the following questions together, perhaps over popcorn by the fireplace on a weekend afternoon, or at the dinner table, or whenever you can make time together:

1. What customs have you inherited from your family ancestors?
2. What expressions are used in your family? Are there stories about where they come from?
3. Have any recipes been passed down in your family? Are any of them connected to specific occasions?
4. What other people like friends, or people who work for your family, have become a part of your family? When? Why? Do you call them by a family title such as aunt or cousin?
5. Does your family have any objects that have been handed down from generation to generation? What stories are attached to them?

When you’re finished talking, make a family flag together. Include handprints or images of each family member, symbols for family traditions, the family name(s), and even a family motto, if you can agree on one! Some examples might be “Try, try again.” or “Speak gently.” You can make the flag with fabric and decorate it by painting it with fabric paint, or by appliquéing pieces of contrasting fabric or felt on to it by stitching them, gluing them with special fabric glue, or using iron-on patches. Or you could even just design a big piece of poster board for your flag. Hang the flag where you can see it! If you especially like your flag, you can duplicate the design on t-shirts, stationary, notebooks, etc.