SMALL GROUP MINISTRY AND FAMILIES
by Rev Pat Hoertdoerfer
Lifespan Faith Development, UUA

Small Group Ministry with families connects participants across the generations in a ministry that enhances spiritual life journeys and empowers a family’s connections and its connection with the congregation. The contexts, within the family setting at home or among families within a congregational setting, and components of Small Group Ministry hold great promise for UU families. The opportunities for intergenerational learning and celebration are great, but there are also challenges to address.

While Small Group Ministry with families will look and work differently than other SGM models or covenant groups, the basic underlying concepts are the same. The concepts underlying intergenerational Small Group Ministry are:

• Building intentional community across the ages/generations including all participants in a ten-to-fifteen-member group.
• Providing a framework that honors a wide diversity in developmental stages of faith.
• Developing a “covenant” or “guidelines for group interactions” as a consistent family group.
• Using the Small Group Ministry format for the sessions including opening, check-in, topics, likes and wishes, closing
• Providing a facilitator for the sessions fostering respect, sharing, caring, and listening for and by every participant.
• Focusing on relational components of the group and community allowing participants to share at progressively deeper levels and creating real intimacy between participants.

Some of the characteristics of Small Group Ministry--such as size, frequency of meeting, format, facilitators, empty chair, covenant, connection with congregation, support system for development and maintenance of program, and service to congregation or larger community--define Small Group Ministry with families, but we also need to pay attention to the differences. Some of these differences are:

• The role of the facilitator is mentor or role model rather than teacher or leader and attention to language is needed. For example, during check-in, empower the children to share something or pass rather than suggesting that they tell something specific. After others have shared and some child(ren) have passed, they may then be ready to speak
• The facilitator needs to use language that all participants can understand. Encourage participants to share as “equals” and be alert to adults who give the impression that they have “the answers” and adults who tend to dominate dialogue time.
• Small Group Ministry that includes different generations, especially children, needs to consider additional or concurrent activities for younger participants. For example, during the dialogue time on the Session’s topic, have some paper and crayons or markers, clay or active games available for children.
• The topics and stories chosen for the sessions need to be the timeless and timely stories with themes that appeal to all ages. For example, the Mustard Seed Story (From Long Ago and Many Lands) would be followed by various age-appropriate questions for participants’ spiritual explorations.
• The opportunity to reflect on the interface of the stories from our UU living tradition and the stories from our own family life is profound. Celebrating the confluence of our faith and our family values through these stories deepens our spirituality and strengthens our sense of community.
• By acknowledging that we all are teachers and listeners, many opportunities of leadership are available to participants of different ages. Small Group Ministry with Families creates a place for learning from each other and for ministering to each other that happens across generational lines.

*For a more detailed overview of Small Group Ministry read The Complete Guide to Small Group Ministry: Saving the World Ten at a Time by the Reveverend Robert Hill. Two resources in this product—Religious Education and Small Group Ministry: One Congregation’s Plan by Gail Forsythe-Vail and Small Group Ministry and Relational Religious Education by Helen Zidowecki—explore the dimensions of intergenerating Religious Education and Small Group Ministry.

The following session is an example of Small Group Ministry with families that you are invited to use as a springboard for developing your own sessions for families in your congregation. Please send me your Small Group Ministry with Families plans and they will be added to this website.

Small Group Ministry with Families
THEME: BIRTH ORDER DIFFERENCE

Preparation:
· Collect materials and bring to your meeting space:
o Newsprint, markers, tape
o Drawing paper, crayons, colored pencils, pastels

· Collect music supplies:
o Big Ideas! Tape or CD by Patricia Shih
o tape player or CD player

· Arrange a circle of chairs with a chalice and matches on a table in the center of the circle.

SESSION
Opening
Everybody makes wishes.
Everybody likes to play.
Everybody needs some loving.
Everybody?every day!
(Sophia Lyon Fahs)

Check-in Using a Talking Stick, invite each person to say how things are for her or him right now or share a highlight from last week. A person may also pass. If there are members of a family missing from this gathering, share the circumstances, if appropriate (illness, loss) for group’s understanding.

Theme/Story “First, Middle, Last, Only”
Play this song on the CD or tape. Start the dialogue: Which were you in your family? The youngest, the oldest, or somewhere in between? Share your story! I was the ______ in my family. Sometimes I hated it when _____. I liked it when ______. Which do you think is best to be -- the first, the middle, the last, the only, a twin?

FIRST, MIDDLE, LAST, ONLY
by Patricia Shih, Patricia Shih Enterprises. Used with permission.

It’s hardest to be the oldest kid, your work is never done
“Play with your brother, look after your sister
Remember that you’re the responsible one
And bring them along when you play with your friends.
Set an example! This job never ends!
Oh you should know better! On you we depend
‘cause you are the oldest kid.”
La la la la la la….
BRIDGE: Isn’t this funny, our points of view,
You’d rather be me, I’d rather be you

Oh the worst thing to be is the middle kid
It’s a horrible place to be
You’re never the first for anything
And hand-me-downs look so foolish on me
Nobody listens to what I say
No one would care if I just went away
To be the first or the last would make my day!
It’s worst for the middle kid
La la la la la la
BRIDGE: Isn’t this funny, our points of view,
You’d rather be me, I’d rather be you

It’s lousy to be the youngest kid, the last to do everything
They call you their “baby” and won’t let you go
You’re tied up in some apron string!
By the time my parents got around to me
They were all worn out! It’s pitiful to see
How sad the life of the youngest can be
It’s tough for the youngest kid
La la la la la la…
BRIDGE Isn’t this funny, our points of view,
You’d rather be me, I’d rather be you

I’m happy to be an only kid and you should be happy too
The first-born is like a pioneer
The middle one learns what not to do
The last one born is a treasure to Mother
And believe it or not, to each sister and brother
And best of all you have each other
Take it from an only kid
La la la la la la

And best of all, you have each other
…still, it’s great to be an only kid!

Read the words to the song and play the tape or CD again. Then invite participants to organize themselves into groups according to their birth order. If any participant is alone have her or him join the group closest to her or his experience.

Reflections / Questions:
1. Name some of the differences that have gone into making you the unique person you are.
2. How are you like your parent(s)? How are you different?
3. What are you going to do with what you are and all the different things that have happened and will happen to you?
4. Do you think that each person in the world is something that has never happened before and will never happen again? Why?

While you are talking about birth-order differences, invite each small group to design a symbol that represents its birth order. Include everyone in the designing, drawing and decorating their symbol.

Invite birth-order groups to share their symbol with commentary.

Likes and Wishes: Invite participants to share thoughts, feelings, or issues that came up for them during the experience of this session.

Closing (light chalice). “We light our chalice today for all persons in the world-whoever they are and wherever they live-whether they are first-born or last-born, an only child or a twin, rich or poor, old or young, black, brown, or white, tall or short-for each person is special and unique. Each person has inherent worth; each person is important. It’s the first Principle of our UU faith.”