Balancing Acts
During a Crisis
If you have turned directly to this section, it may be because you are facing
a crisis situation in your congregation. It may be that a person who has served
time for a sex offense against children has come to the minister and said they
want to become part of the congregation. Or maybe a member of the staff has
scanned the sex offender registry and noticed that the name of a member of the
congregation is on it. Perhaps it is that a long standing member of the congregation
who is a teacher has been accused by a student of sexual misconduct. Or maybe
you’ve just heard that a twelve-year-old in the congregation was found
fondling a three year old while he is babysitting.
Almost uniformly, congregations that have dealt with sex offenders during the
past few years report that there has been some degree of panic among members
when the facts become known. In some cases, congregations have become badly
divided over the issue of whether a sex offender should be allowed to attend
worship services at all. In some cases, the minister has refused to allow the
person to participate In many cases; those most alarmed about the possibility
of a pedophile attending worship are themselves survivors of childhood sexual
abuse or assault. This past history continues to affect people in their adult
lives, and this kind of situation can evoke past trauma and an unwillingness
to address even the possibility of attendance.
- DO NOT PANIC. There is no question that this will be a difficult issue
for the minister, the Religious Educator, the Board and the members of the
congregation who become involved. This issue is likely to take months if not
years to address. Anxiety may be high among many in the congregation. Staff
and leaders are challenged to be less anxious.
- ASK FOR HELP. Contact the District Staff who serve your congregation. Contact
the Director for Congregational Services at the UUA. They can direct you to
resources and provide guidance and support.
- KNOW THAT THIS IS LIKELY TO BE A DIFFICULT AND DIVISIVE ISSUE. Some parents
of children may threaten to resign if the offender is allowed to attend worship
at all. Some people who were themselves sexually abused as children may be
especially affected as old hurts are reopened. Provide opportunities for all
sides to be heard. Recognize that reasonable people may disagree. Allow time
for and facilitate the opportunity for people to share their feelings BEFORE
you move to policies and guidelines.
- SEEK OUTSIDE EXPERTISE. While it is necessary for the facts and circumstances
of the situation to be known and understood by congregational leaders, and
they should do their best to determine these, it is also unrealistic to expect
that the members of a church board of trustees will have the requisite skills
to evaluate an individual situation or assess safety issues in a particular
context. It is reasonable for the members of the leaders of the congregation
who are dealing with the decision including the minister, to meet with the
(alleged) abuser (and parents if that person is a minor), ask for written
permission to contact their therapist, and parole officer, or in the case
of someone who has completed mandated treatment, to ask the person to meet
with a trained therapist (who is a member of ATSA) for an evaluation of their
risk potential.
- BE SURE PASTORAL CARE IS AVAILABLE TO THOSE WHOSE ISSUES MAY BE EXACERBATED.
It can’t be said enough: some people who are survivors of sexual abuse
or assault may need special attention at this time.
- REMEMBER THAT IF THE ACCUSED PERSON IS PART OF THE COMMUNITY THEY ALSO
DESERVE SUPPORT. There is likely to be a feeling of revulsion or antipathy
towards the person, and the immediate response may be to want to isolate that
person completely. According to the UU Church of Yarmouth, “it remains
the mission of this church to recognize and support the integrity and inherent
worth and dignity of that person even though we do not condone inappropriate
behaviors, and to treat him or her with compassion.” It is also important
to reach out to that person’s life partner and/or children.
- EDUCATE, EDUCATE, EDUCATE. If the whole community knows about this situation,
it may make sense to call for a community meeting. An education session with
outside experts on child sexual abuse and sex offender treatment can be very
helpful. In some cases, it may be helpful to ask the offender to tell their
story to the Board of Trustees or at a community meeting. Keep the community
as a whole informed as the leadership of the congregation works to develop
or implement policies.
- SEEK LEGAL COUNSEL. Local and state laws may impact your course of action
and decisions that you will need to make. Find out about the legal limits,
liabilities and requirements.
- ALLOW ENOUGH TIME. The process for developing an informed, just response
to this situation will likely be time consuming, messy, emotional, and not
satisfying to all parties concerned. Recognizing that this will take time,
may not be perfect, and is always difficult will help the healing process.
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