Well, I'd put it off for a couple of years, and really really wanted to put it off for a couple of more years. But, eventually, even the most unpleasant task must be done. And it is the new year. And, it really needs doing. And so, last night, I finally sat down and did it. I culled my address book.

This may seem lightweight to some among us. I imagine the more efficient do it every year. Or, perhaps, they even have one of those new-fangled electronic widgets that add and eliminate names with the slightest of digital flourishes. Here, I picture in my most judgmental imagination, for the most part them doing it with barely a pang of thought or regret.

For me, however, this is big time stuff. It can be very difficult. For one thing it really was time for me to drop those names of people who'd died, relatives and friends. This is the most obviously difficult part of this task. And, I did find myself lingering over several of those names, really really not wanting to lose them.

But, there are many smaller deaths, less obvious, less painful, but still nagging at the heart. Friends who really aren't friends anymore. Names that once loomed large in my life, but in truth, we haven't even exchanged Christmas cards in years. Names and addresses and phone numbers that at one time I almost didn't need written down, but now are fast fading images, numbers with barely any significance.

All are now gone from my new address book sitting at the back of my new calendar. New for new. And, there is something good about having done it. I am ready for the new year. And, so is my calendar. But. Still. Those little incessant tugs at the back of my mind.

Words are magic. And, names written in a book are very important in our psychic lives. In ancient China if someone found a scrap of paper and it had writing on it, they would preserve it as some precious artifact. Truthfully, words are the most precious of our artifacts, our human creations. Words are magic, and perhaps we do need to dread the marking out of names. It is a casting into an outer darkness. It is dreadful and frightening.

I know as I came to finish the task, and had this good and clean and somewhat smaller list to carry around for ready reference, I really did feel good. But, I also had trouble just chucking the old address book. The magic of the old book lingered in my hands. And that hesitation about marking out names bubbled so near the surface of my consciousness. And so, I told myself, well, some of those old names and addresses I might need even if not right off the bat. Others, hey, I didn't copy out all the e-mail addresses-this was supposed to be phone numbers and regular old fashioned street addresses-and, I haven't quite gotten to believe the ethereal addresses are also real.

So, after the purging the old address book isn't going into the trash. It is now a precious artifact. Probably an artifact I'll never again consult. But for now it sits near my bedside table with previous two year's calendars. Eventually, I suspect it will go into the box in the garage with the other old calendars. And, eventually, well eventually all things do pass away.

So my point in this rumination. We're at the new year. As we look forward to this new year, I hope we will take a moment or two to linger over those old memories, those old years, those old names. Names are precious. They are magic. They tell us of what we have been, what we are, and what we might yet become.

We do need to move forward. We really do. But, there is also time to remember. And that is important, as well.

So, as you go forward in making your new year, may the memories of pain and joy rest easily in your heart. And, may all that comes be not a turning away from, but a fulfillment of what has been.

Happy New Year!

James