I had about five months under my belt before my relapse last week. Once I started, I just couldn't stop.

I watched 9 hours of daytime talk shows in four days.

Ricki, Jenny, Sally, Maury, Montel, (I can't stomach Jerry anymore) - I watched them all, all morning, for four days. I watched, "I Can't Handle My Teen! Help Me Today or I May Give Him Away!" (Ricki). And, "Help! My Teen Daughter is Torturing My Family!" (Montel). And, "Lie Detector Tests... Make My Teen Come Clean!" (Jenny). And, "Teens at War: Handcuffed to My Enemy!" (Sally). And, "Send My Teen to Prison or Boot Camp!" (Maury, 2 parts). And, "Secrets! Teens Tell All!" (Sally, who after announcing the show's title throws the knock-out punch when she continues, "Today, young teens reveal EXPLOSIVE secrets, including PROSTITUTION!, DRUG ADDICTIONS!, and [pause] HOMOSEXUALITY!").

CLICK. That was when I turned off the tv and calculated: 7 of the 9 hours of daytime talk shows I saw featured rude, obnoxious, lazy, ignorant, lying, destructive, reckless, hyper-sexed, substance-abusing, welfare-draining YOUTH.

Does the stereotype sound familiar? It should: it's been applied to a lot of unpopular racial and ethnic groups throughout history. But I guess this season, it's the modern teenager which will be serving as the latest scapegoat from problems that affect society in general.

No wonder a recent study, in which 600 teens between ages 13-18 were asked to identify how they believed adults would describe them, showed the following: 84% of the teens believed adults think they are "lazy"; 74% thought adults felt they were "rude"; 70% thought they would be described as "sloppy"; and other common responses included "dishonest" and "destructive." Interestingly, these same teenagers described themselves as "responsible" (94%); "self-reliant" (86%); "optimistic about my future" (82%) and "very intelligent" (79%).

Whether the talk shows accurately reflect what most adults think of teenagers or not, it’s no wonder so many teens perceive themselves to be unjustly judged and negatively viewed by adults. George Barna, president of the research firm conducting this study, writes, "The fact that teens so overwhelmingly perceive adults to possess negative views of them creates a major chasm between young and old people. Many businesses and social institutions such as churches experience difficulty building effective cross-generational programs. Most often, these organizations are led by adults perceived to hold negative views about teens. The answer to the perceptual gap is not, then, more programs... it is love, and teens need it to be expressed in a variety of very tangible ways."

Church is a place and the congregation a community where youth can and should experience a different perception –- where they are embraced and loved in that variety of very tangible ways. It could be as simple as learning their names or consistently acknowledging and celebrating their accomplishments; it could be as bold as giving them a role in worship or a vote on a committee.

Above all though, we need to work to know and understand them. As a religious community which seeks to unveil the ties that bind each to all, we mustn’t let differences in teenage experience, style, and language mask values, beliefs, and dreams very similar to our own, as our youth group proved last Sunday when they brainstormed ideas for a covenant. (Ideas included: BE NICE, FOR GOODNESS SAKE!; Work together; Ya gotta know when to use your voice and know when to listen!; Be open, and keep this a safe place for others to be open too; Apply what you learn here to help better the world; Pizza IS a food group!; Be thought-provoking and mentally stimulating; R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!! FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME!; KOALA BEARS EAT AND LIVE IN EUCALYPTUS TREES!!).

Hmmmm. How about a talk show featuring teens called: "We're Loud and Hungry and a Little Insane, but SURPRISE! Our Vision, Cause and Purpose are the Same!"

I couldn't watch it anyway. I've got three days now and don't plan on relapsing again.

Jessica Rubenstein
Director of Youth Ministries
Winchester Unitarian Society
Winchester, Massachusetts